Olympic mania

 The summer games start in just a few days

    I will watch some of the events, but probably not as many as I do during the winter games.

    After all, there is no curling in the summer games.

    I know there will be exciting events, like track and field, swimming, gymnastics, basketball....all great events to watch.

    But that is not enough.  Those events don't allow us, as normal citizens, to compare our lives to Olympians.

    Therefore, as a public service announcement, I offer these suggestions for the future games.

    Tiddlywinks.  Yes, that old timey game where you tried to flip a plastic disk into a cup using another plastic disc. As a child, no doubt you spent hours playing the game, practicing your skill, developing strategies.  It is an event in the making.

    Corn hole.  I. think this is truly an American sport.  Given time and exposure, I am sure other countries will be quick to pick up this user friendly sport.  All you really need are a couple of boards and some bean bags, making it a low cost activity for every country.

    Cup stacking.  This was the rage once in elementary schools.  Give teams 15 cups and 5 challenges to stack in certain ways and the team with the best time wins.  To make it even more challenging, fill the cups with beer first, and team members will have to chug it all to get the empty cups.

    Fitted sheet folding.  Competitors will have 4 sheets to fold into a compact, what?  Parcel?  Pile?  Pick a name.  Teams will be composed of 4 people and each person will have to fold a sheet.  Sheets would be for single, double, queen and king sized beds.  Those folding the sheets into the shape of a goose or pyramid will get bonus points.  This would be a relay type event, with the sheets having to be folded in order, one at a time..

    Fly swatting.  Contestants are put in a 8 x 8 foot booth with 1 flyswatter and 20 flies.  After 3 minutes, the dead flies will be counted, if they can be found.  If not, then just the live flies will be counted. Winner will be determined by the number of dead flies.  Or do it like golf and count live flies with the winner the one with the least amount of flies.  Judges will be allowed to decide if intentionally swallowing of a fly counts as a legitimate kill.

    Here's one special for this Olympics.

    Pooper scooping.  Teams of 10 will be given scoops and sent out into the streets of Paris.  The winning team will be the one that collects the most dog waste in 4 hours.  Given the amount of dog shit I have seen in the City of Lights, a large dumpster will be needed.

    There.  My suggestions for future games.

    Feel free to send these to the Olympic committee but  please, don't include my name.

Peace and Love