tour de farce

 I loved riding my bike

    I have not been on  it this year at all.  At least I don't remember being on it.

    I grew up in Chicago.  My dad sold the family car when I turned 15.  I. think he saw the future with me behind the wheel of the 51 Dodge we were driving in 1963.  It was old, but it was paid for and ran well.

    I think the only time we ever used it was going to Dewey Lake in Michigan.

    I got around by bike, foot, or bus.

    Bike to the zoo.  Bike to work.  Bike to friends' houses.  Bike to the lakefront.

    Ah....biking to the lake front.

    I had a really old Schwinn.  Thick frame, huge tires, it was like a truck. It was used by at least 4 people before I got it.  The first thing I did  was paint it black, then wrap tape around it in circles and painted it yellow.  It looked cool.  Black and yellow stripes.  The cat's meow.

    Somebody stole it.

    I was delivering papers.  I bought a new Schwinn with a basket on the front.  I biked to  the Coca Cola Bottling place on Ravenswood, biked to the store, biked to the Riverea Theater.

    Somebody stole it.

    And it was my fault.  Yes I chained and locked it.  To a parking meter.  The friendly officer I reported it to said that was a poor choice as the thief could just lift the bike over the parking meter.  

    So I bought a used 3 speed racing bike, with narrow tires.

    It was great!  

    I could ride like the wind.  Again, I was free to go anywhere I wanted to. And pedaling was easy with 3 speeds.

    One day I was down at Montrose Harbor.  There is a huge parking lot there and lots of times people take children or friends there to practice driving.

    I was just biking around when I saw my friend's car.  We were both dating the same girl, which put a little strain on the friendship.

    He was teaching her how to drive stick. 

    They saw me and I decided to show off my bike.

    I pedaled as fast as I cold toward a curb.  Now, I had jumped curbs before.  You pull up on the front wheel and the back wheel follows.

    I was inches from the curb when I pulled up on the front wheel.

    The bike also had hand brakes.  I pulled on the hand breaks. Why?  Because I was stupid.

    The bike did not lift, but came to an abrupt stop. 

    I went over the handle bar, wondering if I would ever have kids.  The pain was severe.

    I did what Bill Cosby suggested under those circumstanced:  I grabbed my head.

    They came over and took the bike off me, I may have still been pedaling  on my back with my feet up in the air.   then asked if I was ok.

    My now falsetto voice managed to creak out. "Hunky doory.  Just let me lay her a while."

    They could not give me a ride, because it was a small car.

    I said that was ok, I would just walk it off

    And I did.  Walked all the way home.

    It was a few days before I could ride again.  And sitting for long was uncomfortable.

    I did eventually have kids.

    And I never curb jumped again.  On purpose, anyway.

Peace and Love

    Especially Peace

home coming

A friend took her daughter shopping for a homecoming dress

    Boy did  that trigger a memory!!

    I was a freshman at Lake View High School.   Homecoming was approaching.  I had no idea what that was about.

    After being clued in, I thought it might be fun.

    So I asked a girl to the dance and festivities.

    Now, I don't do anything a normal person would do.  I have my own unique style.

    My folks had  ordered a pizza from Biasetti;s on Ashland and Irving.  I was sent to pick it up.  That was a big thing in our household because money always seemed tight.

   Now at  age 15, it should not be a problem for me to walk 3 blocks, get the pizza, pay for it, and come home.

    I was walking down Irving Park with the pizza when I saw Mary Jane.  She was also a freshman at Lake View.  We had a couple of classes, or maybe homeroom, together and I thought she was nice.  I think her parents owned a hardware store on Ashland but I am not sure about that.  Hell, I am not sure about anything that happened past yesterday!

    So we stopped in front of a hamburger joint called the Patio and talked.

    After a few minutes of chit chat, I shifted the pizza and worked up the courage to ask her.

    So I did.  But she said no, because her father would not allow her to date until she was 16.

    Then she looked at me and asked what I had in the box, which was tucked neatly under my left arm.

    I told her pizza from Biasetti's. 

    She said I should not carry a pizza like that and I responded that I always carried it like this, trying to make it seem like I was some kind of bon vivant.

    We parted ways.  I continued home.

    When I got there, I laid the pizza on the table and my dad opened it.

    All the pizza was crammed into one side of the box.  Plus it was cold.

    "What the hell?"  were the only words out of his mouth.

    I don't recall ever being sent for pizza again.

    And I never asked Mary Jane out when she turned 16.

    But it all came back to me when a friend said she took her daughter shopping for a homecoming dress.

Peace and Love

        Especially Peace

olio

 A lot of different things today

    Jackie got me up at 7:30 so she could use the bathroom.

    Our alarm goes off at 7;45.  When it goes off, I put on pants, open the garage door, and do little things, like get out her clothes, put her towels out, and wait for the morning help.

    But today. there was about 30 minutes before our morning help arrived.  So I lay on the bed with Beth and turned off the alarm.

    The next thing I know is someone is poking me.

    I fell asleep.  Jackie called, but I was sleeping on my good ear so I did not hear the phone.  Not only that, but our morning help was late.  It was 8:30!

    I am not supposed to sleep on my good ear!  I am supposed to have a phone next to my good ear!

    Neither happened.

    About 11 the doorbell rang and 2 of our neighbors' children were at the door with a pan of snack mix!  I did not have my hearing aids in, so I may have missed some of the conversation.  But Jackie rolled over to join the talk and we had quite  a nice little visit. 

    Another neighbor had a Labor Day party for the kids.  He had a hay rack and hay bales and they took a hayride round the neighborhood.  A good time was had by all.

    We turned on the Cubs game, but could not see or hear anything!  All the other channels came in fine, but not Marquee.  I tried the online chat and that was totally worthless.    We ended up streaming it on the computer, which makes no sense.  Could not see it on the TV, but could on the computer.  Plus our neighbor watched it without any problem.  Weird.

    And yes, the game did frustrate us.  

    I got. rid of 4 bags of grass clippings, but I still have huge pile in the back.  I may resort to burning it, but burning grass has such a terrible smell.

    Tomorrow I am going to tackle a mountain of cardboard and my new bird feeder.  I figure I have most of the day to do that, and I may get one done.

    Also tomorrow, I am going to take Jackie out to the porch and surprise her with the mums.

    Beth is having good days. I walked her out to the back of the yard and she froze when she saw my bison.  She approached it very tentatively and after sniffing it, backed away.   I may take her out there again so she can see it is not going to do anything.

    The weather was great.......and I hope everyone took advantage of that and had a happy Labor Day.

Peace and Love

        Especially Peace

Broken promises

I went back on my word today

    I said I would not mow my yard on a Sunday, because Sunday was a day of rest.  And quiet.

    Well, I mowed.  And mowed.  And  mowed.

    Yard done.  Lot done.  I'm done.  

    I have christened the lot "Folly."  Part of me is thinking buying it was a mistake, but the other part of me says I don't have to put up with construction noise or neighbors who are not as great as the ones I have.

    While I was mowing, a bicyclist rode by and stopped in the driveway.

    It took me a minute to recognize friend Wendy, who rode out from town and stopped when she saw me  mowing.

    We had a nice. talk about riding, vacations and all other good things.

    In a sense it made me sad, because I used to be able to do what she is doing.  And no, she does not have an e-bike.  She pedals, which is the purpose of a bike.  

    I have not even taken my bike down this year.  I had said I would ride in August, but didn't.  Then I said September, and haven't.  There is still some time though, so maybe it will happen.

    For the first time this summer, I ate on the back patio!  It has always been too hot before, but tonight it was perfect. In fact, I was a little chilled by the time I was done.

    Emily got me some buttered chicken Saturday, but I ate so much at Costco I wasn't hungry.  So I had it today and I think I have enough for 2 more meals!  They sure gave me a lot of food.  I wonder if I can freeze it?   I am not sure about 3 nights of buttered chicken.  The nice breeze kept the bugs away, except for on aggressive fly that kept landing on my arm. 

    And I got the corn blanched and stripped from the cob.  It is now down in the freezer.  Next up will be carrots, but not for a while.

    Finally, I have a red tomato!!  I have no idea what I did wrong with them this year.  Too much rain?  Not enough water?  Too much sun?  Shade?  Is it the soil?

    All I know is the tomatoes were a flop.

    Beth had a pretty good day.  She has a semi solid BM working now.   The is progress, although pretty disgusting too.

    Happy Labor Day

Peace and Love

        Especially Peace

what a day

 This was a very strange day

    First off, I went car shopping.  Sort of.

    Julia and Emily went with because I do strange things sometimes.

    Today, for example, I found out my Paramount Plus subscription was automatically  renewed for $139 for the year.  Well, I am a Walmart whatever member and I get Paramount Plus for free.

    So I talked to a nice young man who cancelled my subscription.  He then offered it to me for $59 a year and pointed out the major differences. 

    I opted for the free offer.

    I attempted to call back after thinking about it and get the $59 offer.  But I got a different rep and she said there was no cheaper rate available, just the $139.    Here's the rub:  I only watch Twilight Zone on Paramount Plus!!!!!  I was thinking Peacock.

    So, we hit a car dealership in Rockford and I explained my situation.  I said I wanted a car that had the capability to have an after market swing out seat installed.  The salesman had no idea if the car we looked at could do what we wanted.

    Julia, or Emily, saw an article that said the car did.  But the seat manufacturer does not list the car as compatible.  I can't buy a car unless the seat can be adapted.

    I did ask the guy if we bought the car and the seat doesn't fit, could we return it for a refund?

    Car sales don't work that way.  He may still be laughing

    Afterward, Julia wanted to go to Costco.

    I have not been in a Costco for years.

    I encountered a very nice lady from Australia who was sampling the Nespresso macing.  I had an espresso, and she added some caramel machaitta flavoring and it was out of the world!

    I was tempted to buy the machine.  But in all honesty, I would never use it.  I prefer going out for coffee and talking to people.

    I think I only missed 2 food sampling stations in the store!  Coffee, wafer cookies,  sliced steak, lunchmeat, brownie bits, (which were amazing) a chicken filled won ton like item and more........and then I topped it all off with a $1.50 hot dog and drink!

    I am not sure how the espresso and the Coke will help me sleep.  2 Cokes, actually.  Emily had a drink from somewhere and it was not what she ordered, so I finished that.

    And I spent more than Julia.  My impulses were out of control!

    After I got home and rested, I went into town for gas to finish mowing.  Unfortunately, I got back at 7 and it didn't make sense to go out for 20 minutes.

    So I shucked corn.

    Tomorrow I will blanche it and take it off the cob and freeze it for winter use.

    Just like peoneers in the olden days.  Except, they did not have freezers.  Or sweet corn.

Peace and Love

    Especially Peace

When Emily was flying home, she saw Wrigley!

A sign?

My hot dog......10 p.m. and I am still burping!!

damn it

 Sometimes my mind is in n neutral

    I had to go to DeKalb to puck up some meds for Beth.  We had enough until Monday, but with the holiday I did not want to run out.

    Stopped at the grocery store.  Bought a few things, loaded them in the back seat, got in the van and started to drive.

    I didn't go too far before I realized I never closed the sliding door.

    I needed gas for the mower and I was not comfortable carrying smelly gas cans to DeKalb.  With the windows up and the AC on, I thought the fumes would not be good for me.

    So I planned to make a second trip after I got home:  Drop off groceries, pick up the gas cans, finish my errands.

    I planned to go for dinner at about 5:30, so I was going to hold off mowing until 4:30 or so.  Julia was here and asked the basic question:  So, you are going to mow for 45 minutes, go into town, get gas and supper, then eat and go out to mow again? 

    That did seem a little odd, so I opted to put off mowing until after dinner.

     I went to town to get gas, stop at Wallyworld for a prescription and pick up dinner.

    I was near the gas station when I realized I did not bring gas cans.

    I got supper, which included a carry out strawberry margarita.  Julia ate with us, I watched the Cubs, then went out to mow.

    It gets dark pretty early.  I will be interested to see what I actually did mow considering it was so dark.

    Jackie asked me for something and I told her I would get it after the Cubs batted.

    An hour later she mentioned I was getting her something an hour ago and never actually got it  So I fetched that for her.

    But I did watch the Cubs a little.  Had a nice margarita and a burrito. and got some of the lawn mostly mowed.

    Yes, I could have gone out earlier but it was so darn hot!  I passed a bank In DeKalb and the temp was 95 while the temperature reading in the van was 92.  In any case, it was too warm for me to mow.

    That's my story and I am sticking to it.

    By the way, Beth is acting perfectly normal.   More than I can say for me.

Peace and Love

        Especially Peace 

late night

 Late night tv knows how to target audiences

    We watch Antenna TV at night.  Jackie likes to hear the shows when she drifts off to sleep.

    But the commercials?  

    Pain relievers you rub on your legs to help you walk.  Orthopedic shoes.  Life alert buttons. 

    If it is a product that appeals to Boomers, it is advertised!

    But the one that gets me is for ..... wait for it....  a Viagra like product.

    No, I am not interested in it.  But some people are.

    In the commercial some guy said he was looking for some way to spice up his marriage.

    But Viagra was $40 a pill, according to the man.

    $40?  Holy cripe!  

    But this guy found a plan where you could get a generic equivalent for only $8 a pill.  

    Yes, you need a prescription, but they have a doctor on staff and all you have to do is call and answer a few questions.  (By the way, the last 4 numbers for the phone are 6969.)

    He then says his wife now walks around the house with a smile on her face.

    Hell, I bet if he did the dishes, laundry and cleaned house once in a while she would really be smiling!

    One of the fun things I do is try to figure out who the guests are on Carson's show.  People don't look the same today as they did 40 years ago.  I honestly thought Marc Harmon was Tom Cruise. 

    There are so many comedians I never heard of that appear.  But George Carlin, Bill Mahr, and Roseanne Barr were all on at some point. 

    I realize most of the people have now died.  

    Sometimes it is hard for me to grasp the passage of time.  The Beatles were in their heyday 60 years ago.  The Summer of Love, Woodstock, man first walking on the moon.......in my head they were just yesterday.

    But late night TV, and Sirius Radio bring them all to life today.

    Beth's blood work came back pretty normal.  Our next step is an ultrasound, which will be done next week.

    We are to just keep on doing what we are doing until a reason for her low albumen and cholesterol counts is discovered.

    I may need a part time job.

Peace and Love

        Especially Peace