No change is good

 I had a doctor follow up today

    I had a nice visit with my urologist today.  It was a 6 month check in.  My PSA was great, and we are only doing one more 6 month check up before I go to a yearly visit.

    Of course,  my slightly paranoid and highly negative attitude always catches the good and turns it into a stomach turning nightmare.

    He never said my cancer won't return, he said it "probably" won't return.  18 months after the surgery and nothing has shown up, so I feel confidant.  Yet, that "probably" lurks in the back of my negative zone.

    Of course I had some sad memories.  I was sitting in a chair in the waiting area and remembering 4 weeks ago when the vet called and said Corki had taken a turn for the worse.  It might have even been the same chair, I am a creature of habit.

    Mary, on of the aides, was wheeling Jackie out to me in the waiting room and I had just talked to the vet.  Today Mary asked me how  things went and I told her Corki died that day.  She was sad to hear that.

    What a depressing post.

    OK, a little humor. 

    I have a few lines to say in the play Our Town.    I even have them on paper, because my character is reading from notes.

    There are two lines I just can't remember to say!  "Would you like me to read some notes from Dr. Gruber on meterology.....precipitation, et cetra?"  And, "Birth and mortality rates are constant......onMcPhearson's scale, 6.031."

    I have them written on paper.  I can read them.

    We have done 4 shows, counting tonight.  I have missed one or both all four shows.

    Holy cow!  Let me repeat:  I can read them right off the paper!!!!

    As soon as I walk off, I realize which one I did not say.

    Just damn frustrating.

    Of course, no one but other characters in the scene and the director will know, but I know.

    Tomorrow will be perfect.  See, I can be optimistic!

    And I know the good doc can not guarantee anything.  So probably is his best choice.

Peace and Love.  Pray for Ukraine.