irritations

I am frustrated at life's irritations

     I don't mean the ones caused by people other than me.
    Yes, surprise, I can be irritating.  Especially to myself.
     I chew ice cubes.  I hat when people chew ice cubes.  I had a roommate in college who chewed ice cubes at THREE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING!       Almost every night; lights would be out, I would be sound asleep and he would suddenly start chewing ice cubes.  I don't know where he got them, or why, but it became his nightly thing. 
     He also had an odor problem.  I don't ever remember him showering.  Or washing.  Or talking.  He was strange.
     He finally stopped after I bought some extremely crispy apples.  I would wait for about five minutes after he was done chewing then I would take an apple out of the bag and bite it loudly, chewing with my mouth open and constantly slurping the juice.
     I moved out at semester.  Actually, I got married.  His chewing was that bad!
     I think I know it all.  Ask me a question, I will give you an answer.  I may give you the wrong information, but it will be an answer.  Want directions?  Just ask and I will send you to places you have never been before.  I can't seem to tell people, especially strangers, that I don't know the answer.  When I give the wrong answer I get very irritated at myself.  I can't imagine what the people who just went 5 miles out of their way are feeling.
     On the other hand, I get irritated because I don't know things I should know.  Like if someone has a brother or sister.  A guy I have known almost my entire life has a living sister and one that died in a car crash when we were teens.  I did not learn that until a couple of years ago.  Why didn't I know that?
     I can't control myself.  I just had 3 Girl Scout cookies and a glass of chocolate milk.  (Digression:  I put a shot of Run Chata in the chocolate milk and it has made me rather tired.)  I ate the cookies, and I wasn't even hungry.
     I worry about everything:  head lice, the flu, drunken drivers, collapsing bridges, falling elevators, recycling, the environment, my health.  That's just a few of the things I worry about.  I don't have enough time to list them all.
     And that's another irritation:  the amount of time I waste.
     In total, I really piss myself off.
     So, if I have ever offended you, just get in line right behind me.
     After I am done telling myself off, it's your turn.
Peace and Love