I may turn ugly

I may be at my wit's end

     I know....I don't have much wit, so when do I know it's the end?
     Let me tell you.
     I have been getting calls from Washington, D.C.
     I don't think it is the president, although he may be calling to offer me a cabinet position since so many of the highly intelligent people he hired have turned out to be total idiots.  Don't let the door hit your butt on the way out!
     I know it is not my congressman, because he has spent the last six years evading and ignoring every question and concern I have about life in the 16th district.
    I don't have any relatives except my cousin Dave, and I don't think he would be calling me because we have not spoken since our last vacation to Washington D.C. about 40 years ago.  I did learn that his son, (my second cousin?) lives in a northern suburb of Chicago, the same suburb in which Dave was a child.  Small world, huh?
     I am guessing it is a group asking for money. 
     Anyway I digress.
     I have hearing aids.  They are Bluetooth.  I can turn off the volume on my phone and still hear it ring.  I hear voices clear as a bell in my new ears.
    When driving,  I can answer the phone and have a conversation without taking my hands off the wheel.
     But not today.
     I had four calls from DC and one from Jackie.  Understand, I have the phone ringing in my ears 7 times before it diconnects or goes to voice mail.  Seven.  The only way to stop it is to swipe the answerbutton and then hit the hang up button.  So, when the phone rang again, I foolishly clicked the answer button on the steering wheel.   I thought it might be Jackie.  I secretly hoped it was someone asking for money because I had a stream of four letter words echoing through my pea brain.
     Instead, it was a message regarding a service call I have for Thursday morning.
     All was fine until the recording said, "To confirm this appointment, press 1."
     My phone is in my pocket.  I am driving.  I reach the stop light on 38 and 39 and the message has now cycled through for the third time.  I pull over.  Put my hazard lights on.  Get the phone out of my pocket, realize I can't hit 1, hit several buttons and disconnect the call.
     I also notice semi trucks turning on to 38 from 39 are not far from my front end.  And there are a lot of semi  trucks!  In hind sight, not the best place to pull off.
     I find the number and call back and ..... imagine this....seriously, be prepared to be impressed:  A HUMAN ANSWERS THE PHONE!  An actual person, named Ashley, who listens to my problem, enters my phone number, comes up with the service call and is able to sconfirm the appointment.
     I return to the traffic lane a happy man.  Mainly that I wasn't killed by a semi, but also because the appointment was confirmed.
     Of course, they are coming between 7 and 9 a.m. Thursday.  And they are taking the front door off. 
     I just hope they work fast.
     Peace and Love.  Press 5 for loves and kisses.