hard knocks

I have learned a few lessons lately

     I'd like to share them with you, just to spread happiness, joy and a little knowledge.
     When pumping gas, it is not a good idea to try to scrape off whatever the hell is stuck on your tooth with the hand that handled the gas pump.  Gas tastes terrible.
     When ordering clothes, be sure you get the right size.  A 38 inch belt barely fits a 38 inch waist.  Barely.  And OK, maybe it's 38 1/2 to start with.
     When buying roll out extensions for your downspouts, make sure you understand the statement roll out automatically, roll up manually.
     When you order a second new set of extensions for your downspouts, be sure to put them on correctly the first time or they will not roll up automatically.
     Before you start mowing, make sure you have gas.
     Use gift certificates before they expire.  I found three hidden in a box today, but I can't use 2 of them because they expired two years ago.
     Don't read comments on news stories.  The world is full of idiots and they post horrible things.
     Always feed your dog first.
     Listen to your mother.
     Put names on the back of pictures with people.  Dates would help too.
     That's it. 
     Oh, one more.
     Always say good night.