Saturday, September 6, 2014

The sounds of silence

I have ringing in my ears

      I believe it is technically called tinnitus.  I have had it for years.  There is no apparent cure, and some medications seem to aggravate it.
      This is how I live.
      You hear the cicadas this fall?  I have two of them in my head.  Different pitches.  Different songs.
     But they chirp constantly, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.
      Listening to the TV or the radio means I have to have the volume up a little, because I need to hear it over the chirps.
      There is also a ringing.  Sometimes I will look at Jackie and say, "I'll get the phone."  She'll tell me it isn't ringing.
      She likes to listen to Friends (the TV show, not people we know and do fun stuff with) at night when she goes to bed.  I like the show too, but for a different reason.  When it is on, I can't hear the buzzing.  When it is off, I can't get to sleep.
      I have thought about a white noise machine, and maybe it is time to buy one. I have also thought about going to a clinic that specializes in teaching strategies that train your brain to ignore the noise.
      Hell, I can't train it to remember to put the new sticker on the Honda's license plate, which is fairly important since my sticker expired at the end of August.  I did actually know where it was, which is a surprise.
      Besides, the clinics are fairly expensive and not covered by insurance.
      So maybe that explains why for what seemed like forever I tried to find the tapping noise that kept me awake.  It sounds like Morse Code, like I am getting a message from someone.
      I checked everywhere, but it seemed to always be the same level of sound.
      So I put my hands over my ears and, Bingo!!  The tapping is inside my head.
      Now maybe it is temporary because I have a head cold.  I hope.
      Otherwise, I am going to have to figure our Morse Code so I know what I am saying to myself.
      I just wonder if this will eventually drive me off the deep end.
      I don't seem to have much of a rope left that is anchoring me to reality!


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