show me the way to go home

I don't like driving to a Cubs game

     I like taking the train.  No tolls, no gas money, no traffic worries and I get to ride for half price because I am an old fart, duly registered and licensed.
     But I drove tonight.  Or last night, now.  I won tickets from Rochelle Insurance Agency and headed for the yard to watch the Cubs sweep the Brewers.
     I figured it would be a late night, so I stopped at the oasis on 88 and got a caramel frappuccino for the road.  I planned not to drink it until I hit 47, because there are not a lot of rest stops.  Us older guys sometimes need to go more often.
     I forgot what rush hour was like.
     After creeping along on the expressway into Chicago, I took the Western Avenue exit because it is a clear shot to John and Kathy's house.
     Little did I realize creeping on the expressway was Usain Bolt speed compared to driving on Western.  The pressure started to mount.  I don't mean the pressure of actually being on time, but the pressure of a large caramel frappuccino.
     I swear, there was one intersection that took three light cycles for me to get through!  I tried to drive standing up, but that did not seem to help.
     Finally I saw a public restroom....I mean, McDonald's.... and pulled in.  This was one where they had a code to get into the bathroom because it was posted customers only.
     So I bought a coffee.
     Granted, that is not the best choice for a drink at 5:30.....which is why it is almost 1 a.m. and I am wide awake and ready to go mow the yard.  Might also explain my headache.
     And you women don't realize how lucky you have it.
     The men's bathrooms at Wrigley have long stainless steel troughs.  It's line up and let go.
     I never know what to do with the guy on the other side of the wall, who is looking at me with a completely blank stare.  Do we say hello?  Talk about the game?  Look up at the ceiling?
     I opted to look at the ceiling.....you never get in trouble for looking at the ceiling.
     The trip home was much easier.
     Except for the elephants and gorillas walking along the road between 47 and Rochelle.
     Every bush, every sign, seemed to have arms, legs and a trunk or two.
     And I didn't have to make a pit stop anywhere.....I was good to not go.
     But watching a Cub win made it all very worthwhile.
     Now I have to decide how I'm getting there Sunday......