dream, perchance to achieve

I have weird fantasies

   And no, I am not talking about sex.  Get your mind out of the gutter.  But now that you mention it, sex is one of my fantasies.  But I digress.
     I often....and I mean several times a day.... have fantasies that have me the hero, or good guy, or blathering idiot.
     For example.  I look up from doing my crossword puzzle and see a car in the neighbor's driveway.  I recognize the car as not normally being there.  I call the police and the burglars are caught.
     Or this:  I find a wallet full of money and return all of it to its rightful owner.  Wait a minute, that did happen to me.  We were driving through Chain o Lakes State Park with my mom and family and I saw a wallet on the road.  I stopped the car and picked it up.  It was loaded with money.  I took the wallet to the main gate and gave it to the park person on duty.
     I realize now what a mistake that was!  I should have looked for the owner's id, called him, told him how much money was in the wallet then taken it to the park person.  For all I know, the money could have disappeared and the wallet never returned.  Anyway....
     I am doing my volunteer thing and strike up a conversation with a woman who has a child who has never talked to anyone.  Suddenly, the child starts talking to me about guinea pigs.  The mother is eternally grateful and asks me to be the child's make believe grandfather.  I do that and we forge a bond that carries through life.
     I had one today.....woman was wearing a Cubs shirt.  Had out a little pig.  We talked about pets.  This four or five year old girl says, "We have a doggie."  I ask the dog's name.   Little girl says "Wiggly."
     OK, she had not developed her r sound yet.  Mom says, "Wrigley....like the park."  I say oh, that's really good.  Them mom says, "Sweetie, tell the man your name."  Little girl looks at me and says, "Addison."
     Now that is all true.  My fantasy is the woman is so impressed with my friendly nature and guinea pig that she gives me unlimited use of her family's luxury box at Wrigley.
     Twenty years ago it would have been about sex.  Twenty years ago EVERYTHING was about sex!
     This is a consistent fantasy:  I stop to help a woman with a flat tire and she turns out to be Michael Jordan's mother.  He hears of my good deed and we become cigar smoking golfing buddies.  OK, I don't know how to change a tire or golf, but it's a fantasy for crying out loud!
     Then there are the theater fantasies.  I'll be in a play and a talent scout is looking for an older guy with a pot belly to play a grand father to an autistic child who happens to be the daughter of a famous basketball star......wait, that sounds pretty familiar!
     Toll road crashes, apartment building fires, bank robberies, attempted kidnappings.....I witness them all and due to my brains/quick thinking/athleticism (don't laugh, Beth) or whatever, I become the hero, the star, the guy who saves the day.
     I think that's why I get so tired.  All that activity just wears one out.
     But I can get some sleep when I am on the sheik's private jet to Paris after saving his prized dog from a pack of wolves.
     Damn, there I go again!