it's finally here

We just got our new phonebook

     This is the one from Frontier.
     It says on the front: "new, larger print."
     Bullshit.  The print is smaller than last year.  I need a magnifying glass to see the page numbers.
     And who is listed in the phone book anyway?
     Not us!  We still have a land line, but no listing in the phone book.  We never asked for an unprinted   number.
I feel slighted.
     It's like Frontier decided to list all the people in Rochelle, DeKalb, Ashton, et al, who still had land lines but not me!  Another example of my social ostracism.
     And I wonder about the yellow pages.  The last page has the entry "zoo" on the top.
     It is blank.
     Really?  There are no zoos in the area?  I am shocked!
     I know everything is done on a format, and Chicago and Brookfield and Elgin all have zoos, as do many other towns in Illinois.
     But really.  It seems someone should have the sense to have this conversation.
     Henry, should we include the page on zoos because these are pretty small towns.
     Well, George, it's possible there is a zoo.  Let's leave it.  After all, we don't want to break the format.
     OK Henry.  Do we need pages for Air Force bases and Subway system maps too?
     Surprisingly we don't.
     And why do they make listing so complicated.
     Sometimes I find pizza under restaurants.  Sometimes I find pizza under pizza.  Sometimes I find pizza under the couch, cause that is where I dropped it and the dog can't quite reach it.
     So now I just randomly dial a number that I think is pizza and place an order.
     Maybe if the print was bigger, I could see the numbers and dial the right number to begin with.
     Larger print my butt.