ho ho ho

I  have a theory or two about Frosty

     I keep hearing Frosty the Snowman and wonder:   when will it be banned?
     It violates so many beliefs, it should really be banned from the airwaves.
     What beliefs?  Glad you asked.
     Well, it must have been a magic hat they found and in some religious circles magic is the work of the devil.  Is Frosty Satan's spawn?  And notice how Santa and Satan have the same letters?  Coincidence?  I think not.
     Frosty is also disrespectful of our laws.  He runs into the village cop and does not slow down when the cop hollers stop!  And he carries his broomstick as he runs here and there through the village, yelling catch me if you can.   Is Frosty part of the Resistance?  Does he use the broomstick to smash windows or trip people on bikes?  Why are people riding bikes in the winter?
     And what about those eyes?  Coal?  Is Frosty sending a subliminal message that coal has many uses and is good for us? 
     But the most insidious message is climate change.  Frosty knows the world is warming, he tells the kids let's play now before I melt away.  I am sure this is planted by liberal pseudo scientists who rely on data collected by so called experts. 
     And what exactly is Frosty smoking in that corncob pipe?  Prince Albert?  Mary Jane?  Crack??  Just another plot by the tobacco/drug cartels to rope in little, innocent, sweet, wide eyed, impressionable children.
     So my friends, I am sure you have the same outrage I do about this blatant attempt to destroy our culture.
     You should e-mail your congressman today and tell him Frosty must be stopped!
     You will thank me someday.
     Tune in tomorrow for my expose on Jingle Bells.