Can you hear me?

I am afraid to answer my phone

   So many telemarketers!!  Yes, our number is registered, but it does not seem to matter.
   We do have caller ID, so we usually don't answer calls from numbers we don't recognize.  I got a call from a number that I sort of thought looked familiar today and hesitantly answered it, only to hear our friend SK on the other end.
   Anyway, on the news tonight they told about a scam that is new, sort of.  You get a call from a telemarketer and they go into their spiel then they go silent.  After a moment they ask, "Can you hear me?"
     Most people will answer yes, just to be polite.
     The scammers record your answer.  Then they sign you up for some over priced service and cut your answer in to  this call just after they ask:  Are you willing to send us $400 a month for the next year?
    Your voice is then heard saying yes to the service, and once you say yes it is hard to get out of the scam.
    So, to provide a public service, I offer these suggestions.
    If you are connected to a telemarketer, speak in gibberish.
    Have a small paper bag near the phone, one you can blow up easily and quickly.  When you get a call, yell out, "Damn it, I am fed up with your catting around," and pop the bag, creating a loud bang.
    Crinkle paper and tell them you can't hear over the static.
    Blow your nose loudly and often,  right into the speaker part.  And throw in a few healthy coughs and maybe a fake spit or two.
    Say nothing.
    Have a dog bark into the receiver, or play a recording of a dog barking.  Keep yelling: No, No, not the babies.
    Cry and tell them your entire family was wiped out by poisonous snakes during a fundamentalist religious service.
    Yell, "Oh don't!  Please don't!" and hang up.
     I would suggest blowing a whistle, but that could damage the person's ears.
    If you have any other suggestions, please share them.
    As a side note, you could read Nature Girl by Carl Hiaasen and discover the extreme steps he takes in tracking down a telemarketing person who has called several times.
    But the biggest tip I have is simple:  Don't answer.  If it's important, they will leave a message.
     Now, I have to call some people and ask them if they have Jim Beam in a bottle.