not for the weak

I have a highly personal problem I must share

   I can't keep my pants on.
   Seriously!!  They keep dropping off my rather ample waist!  No matter how tight I make the belt, the suckers drop down to my knees then my ankles.
   It's not just one pair, it is almost every pair of jeans I own!
   I could use suspenders, but I look hideous in suspenders.  I am like one of those old guys with the huge bellies you see all over town.
   Yes, I am old.  Yes, I have a huge belly.  You are missing the point.
   I seldom wear anything but jeans lately, so I am not sure about my other pants.    I think they fit better, but I don't remember.
   What I do know is I take 20 steps then I have to hitch up my pants.  If people are watching me, they must think I am OCD (ok, I may be) or have a very nervous tic that manifests itself in me pulling up my pants.
    I know if I lose weight that will solve the problem, but I have been saying that for 20 years.  We know that is not going to happen.
    But when I walk from the kitchen to the den, my pants will drop.
    I don't understand.  It is frustrating.
    And embarrassing.
    One time I was walking Corki and I felt them dropping and I could not pull them up, so I ended up holding them up with one hand and carrying the dog poop bag and leash in the other.
    I was afraid to wave to people when they passed me lest my pants fell down and I mooned them unintentionally.   Well, technically not mooned them, but exposed my boxers.
    There has to be an answer.
    I just hope I find it soon, or at least before I expose myself.