running out of Time

My Time magazine subscription has expired

   I did not renew it.  That's an obvious choice, since I have the issue dealing with the inauguration half read.  That seems to be my problem, I read a little, the next one comes, I read a little of that.
   My subscription runs out April 17....and I will not be renewing.
   Nothing against the mag, I just don't read it as often as I used to.
   But an article in a recent issue about aging caught my eye.
   There were lots of tips and hints on how to reach a ripe old age.  There was even a two page spread on cures for people to take to "cheat death."
   For example, in 1558 Luigi Camoro wrote a very popular series telling how to live a longer life.  His advice:  Moderation.
   In 1638 Tobias Whitaker advocated consuming wine.  My first thought when I read this was:  Is he related to my son in law?  My second thought was to open a bottle of red.  Not a thought, I guess, but a reaction to what  I read.
   In 1889 a 72 year old scientific type decided the key to long life was a series of injections.  What did he inject, you ask?  an extract of dog and guinea pig testes, testicular blood and seminal fluid.  I think I'd prefer an early death.
   In 1740 George Cheyne, a doctor who advanced vegetarianism as a way of life, suggested that only drinking water starting at a young age could lead to living to 100.  Note, that was before the invention of indoor plumbing.  I am sure George had plenty of trees in case he decided to test his theory.
   My favorite theory was from a German physician Christian Hufeland who advocated lying next to young women in bed.  This did become a common practice, especially among older men.  Sex was not involved, but being in the company of youth was the key.
   Sergi Voronoff, a crazy Russian, was an  early hacking promoter, but not he computer kind.  In 1920 he popularized the idea of transplanting testicular glands from chimpanzees and monkeys into men.  He claims to have done 1,000 procedures, and in doing so created a number of pissed off primate eunuchs.
   But there is no one single cure for long life. So I guess we are free to pick and choose.
   I kind of like the wine and laying next to young women, but I don't think Jackie will buy that one.  Maybe I can convince her it's for a good purpose...a longer life for me!