sounds of silence

I am at a loss for words

    I really don't have a topic for tonight.
    Christmas has a mixed effect on me.  (Or is it affect?  No, it is effect.)
    I get excited by the holidays, the meaning of the season, the friends, the decorations, the love.
    On the other hand, I do get terribly depressed.  I think of all the people who are gone: aunts, uncles, my brother, my in-laws, my parents, my cousins.  And I miss them.
    I can't imagine how some people cope during the holidays.  Songs, food, presents, stories....all bring back memories of Those Who Have Gone Before Us.  And I admit, some Christmas carols fill my eyes as well as my ears.
    I look at my life and I realize how unbelievably blessed I am.  A house, steady income via pensions, children who are home for the holidays and who are doing well in their own lives.  Friends who put up with me, encourage me, support me.  Family members who are still alive, but for some reason we don't visit and laugh together as we used to.  A wife who puts up with my mood swings and other abnormal behaviors.
    All that makes me happy.
    Then I hear about a family of four moving into the homeless shelter this week, and it makes me wish the world into a  better place, where all people have what I have, and all children have a home and three meals a day.
    And I get blue again, because my world has so much, and theirs so little.
    I really don't have a topic tonight.  But I'd like to thank you for listening to a maudlin old guy.  I do appreciate it.