I feel so dirty......

I am not a total perv....there was a reason

     There was a reason I spent over half an hour in the bra section at Kohl's tonight.....someone needed a new bra.  No, it was not me.
     I am not a bra aficionado.  I know they go on, come off, and lift up.
     After that, I am lost.   And truthfully, I don't care.
     I now know that bras are not actually organized in any particular way, except by style.
     You can find a 22 next to an 86.....ok, an exaggeration both ways.  But they do not seem to be orderly.  A C is next to a D next to a DD next to a ......and on and on and on.
     Maybe it's because the aisle are so narrow the bras keep falling on the ground and people just put them up on the first hook they see.
     And there are so many to choose from.....each brand has its own section, and when you think you are done looking, there is another brand with another section.
     I was on the floor looking for the correct size when three young girls passed.  I knew what they were thinking:  EEEEW!
     Of course, I was by myself as there was another manufacturer two rows over that demanded attention.
     I expected there to be an announcement over the intercom.  "Customer assistance in ladies wear...someone please find out why the old guy is on the ground fondling bras."
     Men wear t-shirts as an equivalent to bras.  We have crew neck, v-neck, and the other kind that only guys with muscles wear.  That's it.
     For women, it's not that easy.  Size, style, fabric, purpose, ornamentation, how it hooks, padding, support....all come into play.  Finding the right bra is no easy task.
     There must have been a million bras at Kohl's.  At least.
     I'll probably have nightmares about air bags going off in my car tonight, pinning me to the back of the seat with firm, upright precision.
     She finally found that needle in a haystack.
     I'm just glad I wasn't asked to model any of them.