I want to be the new Illinois marketing director
I really think I could do a great job of marketing Illinois to the rest of the country.
Seriously.
Our weather, for instance. You can save a ton of money by sticking your refrigerator items in your garage for the winter. They shouldn't freeze, and you will save lots of money on electricity. Pop and beer will always be cold, heck, all your food will be chilled to a reasonable 35 degrees. Or so.
In the summer you can save on laundry by wearing the same pair of shorts over, and over, and over, and over......and most people don't wear socks, so you will save money on washing and drying your clothes.
You won't need hurricane insurance. Sure, we get the occasional tornado, but what is life with no challenges.
No wildfires.
No earthquakes. Yes, the New Madrid fault did cause some problems a century or two ago, but that was an unusual occurrence. Of course, fracking may increase that risk, but hey, we know that is a slight chance. Unless you live in Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Texas or other places where fracking is going on and the earth is shaking more than usual.
We have plenty of water. Lake Michigan is a major source of fresh water. Plus our underground aquifers are adequate. I hope. People in California and Texas can't make that claim.
We have major sports teams in every sport.....and up until this week, I thought we would sweep all the titles. Yes, DRose will recover, but in time to lead the Bulls to a title? How about the Hawks? Can they recover from Kane's injury? Will Kris Bryant lead the Cubs to the series? Will the Sox meet the Cubs in the series? It is possible. Then the Bears would close the season of seasons by upsetting all the odds maker, the Packers, the country and win the Super Bowl. The Fire will also burn bright and the women's basketball team will shine to the point I might remember their name.
People and industries will flock to Illinois, because everyone loves a winner and wants to be on the bandwagon.
Throw in a new presidential library, a Star Wars museum, legalized marijuana and prostitution and you have a convention and vacation destination as well.
And to top it off, we have crazy tough people living here. Tough for making it through the winter. And crazy, for sticking around for the winter.
So if you see Gov, Rauner, let him know I would be a great candidate for the job.
Saturday, February 28, 2015
Friday, February 27, 2015
that was the week that was
Sometimes life just scares the crap out of me
Darling had a routine mammogram last week.
This is normally a fairly quick process. They do the mammogram, give the results, and we are happy for another year.
Last week they detected a small area which they thought was not normal.
So they scheduled a biopsy procedure for Wednesday.
To say we were a little scared would be an understatement. We have too many friends and family members who have been afflicted by cancer.
On Wednesday they did the biopsy. On Thursday we went for the results.
I think she lost five pounds during the week.
Everything was fine. Normal. No cancer. No further need for treatment. No cause for alarm.
We told very few people about the whole thing because she did not want to make a big deal of it. One friend had experience with that and assured us this is common in people of our age. We didn't even tell Julia, because we did not want her to worry.
Understand, I could barely talk about it without crying. When I told Emily, my eyes filled with tears and I had a hard time talking. I don't handle this stuff very well.
Anyway, the week of doubt, uncertainty and fear is over....and we are very thankful for that.
One lesson from this: Girls, get your mammograms on a regular basis.
That's the happy ending of this story.
Darling had a routine mammogram last week.
This is normally a fairly quick process. They do the mammogram, give the results, and we are happy for another year.
Last week they detected a small area which they thought was not normal.
So they scheduled a biopsy procedure for Wednesday.
To say we were a little scared would be an understatement. We have too many friends and family members who have been afflicted by cancer.
On Wednesday they did the biopsy. On Thursday we went for the results.
I think she lost five pounds during the week.
Everything was fine. Normal. No cancer. No further need for treatment. No cause for alarm.
We told very few people about the whole thing because she did not want to make a big deal of it. One friend had experience with that and assured us this is common in people of our age. We didn't even tell Julia, because we did not want her to worry.
Understand, I could barely talk about it without crying. When I told Emily, my eyes filled with tears and I had a hard time talking. I don't handle this stuff very well.
Anyway, the week of doubt, uncertainty and fear is over....and we are very thankful for that.
One lesson from this: Girls, get your mammograms on a regular basis.
That's the happy ending of this story.
Thursday, February 26, 2015
I read the news today, oh boy
I have a great crime reduction plan
I was reading the Tribune on line today and saw a story about a man in Indiana who robbed a bank.
It was not the first time he had robbed a bank. It might have been his third, but at least his second.
He went into the bank, gave the teller a bag, said this is a hold up, fill up the bag.
Then he went in front of the bank, sat down on the sidewalk and waited for police.
He offered no resistance. He had no weapon. He didn't do anything with the money.
When he appeared in court, he told the judge why. He is a convicted felon. He was working at an $11 an hour job and living in a cheap motel. Two weeks ago he lost his job. He could not find another job, because no one wants to hire ex cons. He got evicted because he could not pay for the motel.
After sleeping out in the woods in a make shift tent, he realized he had one option: Commit a crime and go back to jail.
He asked the judge to sentence him to the max. He was 56, and expected to live out his life behind bars.
Here is where my plan jumps into action.
It costs something like $29,000 to house a prisoner.
Why not give this guy $1,500 a month not to go to jail? It would be enough for a cheap apartment and food, and maybe he can find a job to supplement the state money.
The state would save $11,000 a year in jail costs.
If we did this for 100,000 inmates, that would be over $1million a year! If they commit any crime, they lose the subsidy and end up back in jail.
And don't stop there! Pay every kid in the country $100 a week to stay in school, not get arrested, and drive safely! The money we would save on jailing people, preventing traffic accidents, providing job training to high school drop outs would more than pay for the program. I think.
Actually, I have no data whatsoever to back up that claim.
But feel free to believe it anyway.
And the kids who never get in trouble in the first place? Consider it economic stimulus. They should be required to save a percentage of it to pay for hearing aids that they will need later after years of being exposed to loud music and heavy bass.
That's my plan. Feel free to nominate me for senate in 2016.
I was reading the Tribune on line today and saw a story about a man in Indiana who robbed a bank.
It was not the first time he had robbed a bank. It might have been his third, but at least his second.
He went into the bank, gave the teller a bag, said this is a hold up, fill up the bag.
Then he went in front of the bank, sat down on the sidewalk and waited for police.
He offered no resistance. He had no weapon. He didn't do anything with the money.
When he appeared in court, he told the judge why. He is a convicted felon. He was working at an $11 an hour job and living in a cheap motel. Two weeks ago he lost his job. He could not find another job, because no one wants to hire ex cons. He got evicted because he could not pay for the motel.
After sleeping out in the woods in a make shift tent, he realized he had one option: Commit a crime and go back to jail.
He asked the judge to sentence him to the max. He was 56, and expected to live out his life behind bars.
Here is where my plan jumps into action.
It costs something like $29,000 to house a prisoner.
Why not give this guy $1,500 a month not to go to jail? It would be enough for a cheap apartment and food, and maybe he can find a job to supplement the state money.
The state would save $11,000 a year in jail costs.
If we did this for 100,000 inmates, that would be over $1million a year! If they commit any crime, they lose the subsidy and end up back in jail.
And don't stop there! Pay every kid in the country $100 a week to stay in school, not get arrested, and drive safely! The money we would save on jailing people, preventing traffic accidents, providing job training to high school drop outs would more than pay for the program. I think.
Actually, I have no data whatsoever to back up that claim.
But feel free to believe it anyway.
And the kids who never get in trouble in the first place? Consider it economic stimulus. They should be required to save a percentage of it to pay for hearing aids that they will need later after years of being exposed to loud music and heavy bass.
That's my plan. Feel free to nominate me for senate in 2016.
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
I may be a dwarf
Just call me Sneezy
From time to time, I just start sneezing.
I don't mean once or twice. Or four times. Or 10.
I mean sneeze until my head is about to fall off; 15, 20 times....one sneeze after another.
So I am driving down Flagg Road tonight, in the snow, windows freezing, lanes difficult to see, blowing snow.
And I start sneezing. And sneezing.
I had no where to stop, no where to turn off. So I checked my mirrors and stopped in the middle of the road.
Yes, I was in my lane. But it was almost impossible to continue driving.
Try keeping your eyes open when you sneeze! It is impossible!! You will blow out your eyes or brains if you do. And that's the truth!
I sneezed 17 times. I sat in the road for 10 of those sneezes. No one passed me in either direction, so I was lucky.
One strong memory of have of my father is his sneezing fits. He would sneeze for five or t0 minutes, and then be fine.
It seems I have inherited that trait, along with the hoarding and general grumpiness traits that time to time show up.
And by the way, strapped in a seat belt makes it very difficult to get a hankie out of one's back pocket....lucky for me I have some packs of menthol scented tissues that are really soft, strong and have an incredible odor.
In a way, they are nothing to sneeze at...but I do!
From time to time, I just start sneezing.
I don't mean once or twice. Or four times. Or 10.
I mean sneeze until my head is about to fall off; 15, 20 times....one sneeze after another.
So I am driving down Flagg Road tonight, in the snow, windows freezing, lanes difficult to see, blowing snow.
And I start sneezing. And sneezing.
I had no where to stop, no where to turn off. So I checked my mirrors and stopped in the middle of the road.
Yes, I was in my lane. But it was almost impossible to continue driving.
Try keeping your eyes open when you sneeze! It is impossible!! You will blow out your eyes or brains if you do. And that's the truth!
I sneezed 17 times. I sat in the road for 10 of those sneezes. No one passed me in either direction, so I was lucky.
One strong memory of have of my father is his sneezing fits. He would sneeze for five or t0 minutes, and then be fine.
It seems I have inherited that trait, along with the hoarding and general grumpiness traits that time to time show up.
And by the way, strapped in a seat belt makes it very difficult to get a hankie out of one's back pocket....lucky for me I have some packs of menthol scented tissues that are really soft, strong and have an incredible odor.
In a way, they are nothing to sneeze at...but I do!
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
and now, back to our regularly scheduled blog
Did you miss me?
I watched the Oscars Sunday, and by the time it was over, I was a little too tired to write.
On Monday, my Internet was gone.
I did not call Comcast, because we have an Apple deely bop on the desk, and I figured anything a Comcast person told me to do would end up in a major problem.
So I waited for John to stop by.
Tonight he looked at it, checked the preferences, then jiggled a wire and, voila! Internet.
Now I know: Check connections first.
Yesterday was a kind of big day for me.
My dear sweet mommy left me some stocks and stuff. Jackie and I vowed to never touch it. Each year it produces some income which goes into a money market account until I decide to re-invest.
Yesterday I bought 9 shares of Apple. I fully expect for the stock to grow to 500 and split again, as it did last fall. If it does that 10 times, I will be rich.
I have a guide to investing: I buy stock in products and businesses I like.
So, thanks Mom for passing that on to us. We will put it to good use, when the time comes.
I watched the Oscars Sunday, and by the time it was over, I was a little too tired to write.
On Monday, my Internet was gone.
I did not call Comcast, because we have an Apple deely bop on the desk, and I figured anything a Comcast person told me to do would end up in a major problem.
So I waited for John to stop by.
Tonight he looked at it, checked the preferences, then jiggled a wire and, voila! Internet.
Now I know: Check connections first.
Yesterday was a kind of big day for me.
My dear sweet mommy left me some stocks and stuff. Jackie and I vowed to never touch it. Each year it produces some income which goes into a money market account until I decide to re-invest.
Yesterday I bought 9 shares of Apple. I fully expect for the stock to grow to 500 and split again, as it did last fall. If it does that 10 times, I will be rich.
I have a guide to investing: I buy stock in products and businesses I like.
So, thanks Mom for passing that on to us. We will put it to good use, when the time comes.
Saturday, February 21, 2015
oops....I did it again
I really meant no harm
I was supposed to clean the bathrooms today. Jackie was gone. I had two hours to clean the bathrooms.
I love putting on music, cranking it up, and swabbing out toilets and sinks. Well, not the toilet part.
But our computer desk is a little messy. So I sat down to clean it.
I found the pamphlet Comcast provided with the new spiffy modem I picked up Wednesday. I noticed I did not finish the installation.
So I went to the address provided, changed the password from "password" to something I would remember, wrote it down, and proceeded to disconnect from the Internet.
For the next 15 minutes, I randomly hit buttons and whatever to restore service because the directions had long stopped being helpful or making sense.
I felt like I was venturing into worlds unknown.
So I had to bring in tech support.
At first, he thought the solution could be easily fixed on the phone....but oh no, not on my end.
So John and Camryn came over to restore my Internet and faith in electronics.
It was not easy.
My new modem has built in WiFi. My Apple whatever it is that sits on the corner of the desk and blinks at me from time to time, also has WiFi.
What I had done is taken my new modem and when prompted to rename the network name from the randomly assigned and boring "network" to what I was familiar with: the Apple network name.
So the two modems basically were having a dispute about access. Neither was happy I had turned to the other. It reminds me of a recurring dream I have involving two Danish girls and three quarts of whipped cream.
Once John figured that out, it was only a few minutes to disable the new modem's WiFi and reestablish my Apple WiFi.
But he did spend almost 40 minutes looking for the problem and finding it.
My lessons: Don't mess with technology. Don't go beyond your capabilities. Ask John.
And the bathrooms are still not done.
I was supposed to clean the bathrooms today. Jackie was gone. I had two hours to clean the bathrooms.
I love putting on music, cranking it up, and swabbing out toilets and sinks. Well, not the toilet part.
But our computer desk is a little messy. So I sat down to clean it.
I found the pamphlet Comcast provided with the new spiffy modem I picked up Wednesday. I noticed I did not finish the installation.
So I went to the address provided, changed the password from "password" to something I would remember, wrote it down, and proceeded to disconnect from the Internet.
For the next 15 minutes, I randomly hit buttons and whatever to restore service because the directions had long stopped being helpful or making sense.
I felt like I was venturing into worlds unknown.
So I had to bring in tech support.
At first, he thought the solution could be easily fixed on the phone....but oh no, not on my end.
So John and Camryn came over to restore my Internet and faith in electronics.
It was not easy.
My new modem has built in WiFi. My Apple whatever it is that sits on the corner of the desk and blinks at me from time to time, also has WiFi.
What I had done is taken my new modem and when prompted to rename the network name from the randomly assigned and boring "network" to what I was familiar with: the Apple network name.
So the two modems basically were having a dispute about access. Neither was happy I had turned to the other. It reminds me of a recurring dream I have involving two Danish girls and three quarts of whipped cream.
Once John figured that out, it was only a few minutes to disable the new modem's WiFi and reestablish my Apple WiFi.
But he did spend almost 40 minutes looking for the problem and finding it.
My lessons: Don't mess with technology. Don't go beyond your capabilities. Ask John.
And the bathrooms are still not done.
Friday, February 20, 2015
dreaming myself awake
I had a nightmare last night
I have been retired seven years....I think. This is my seventh year out. Whatever, do the math.
So why did I have a nightmare about teaching last night?
I had a parent conference. A nice little girl, in real life her name is Sarah......she is probably 30 by now. Really nice parents too.
I dream in color, sometimes. This dream was a muted one, except for the green grass outside, and the plants in the garden, and the brown mud on my shoes.
It was a 7 p.m. conference, and I had been working in the garden at home, I remember stepping on the peas, so I got there right at 7.
The entire class was there. They were quietly working in their seats.
I started the conference and we were talking about the new math, common core style, and the class just kept sitting there, watching.
I had a clip board with a blank sheet of paper on it. I did not make notes.
I finally told the class they had to go home. But they did not leave. They went out on the grassy field and played and played, drifting back into the class room to do work of some sort.
And then I woke up.
It wasn't a scary nightmare, just one that unnerved me and woke me up.
I just think it's strange with all the stuff going on in the world, it would be a parent conference that would give me nightmares.
In a way, that's kind of good.
I have been retired seven years....I think. This is my seventh year out. Whatever, do the math.
So why did I have a nightmare about teaching last night?
I had a parent conference. A nice little girl, in real life her name is Sarah......she is probably 30 by now. Really nice parents too.
I dream in color, sometimes. This dream was a muted one, except for the green grass outside, and the plants in the garden, and the brown mud on my shoes.
It was a 7 p.m. conference, and I had been working in the garden at home, I remember stepping on the peas, so I got there right at 7.
The entire class was there. They were quietly working in their seats.
I started the conference and we were talking about the new math, common core style, and the class just kept sitting there, watching.
I had a clip board with a blank sheet of paper on it. I did not make notes.
I finally told the class they had to go home. But they did not leave. They went out on the grassy field and played and played, drifting back into the class room to do work of some sort.
And then I woke up.
It wasn't a scary nightmare, just one that unnerved me and woke me up.
I just think it's strange with all the stuff going on in the world, it would be a parent conference that would give me nightmares.
In a way, that's kind of good.
Thursday, February 19, 2015
can you smell it?
Spring is in the air
I know, it is damn cold.
I know, snow is coming.
I know, Spring doesn't start until March 21 or 22 or some time in there.
I know.
But pitchers and catchers reported today.
The time is now!
This is the year!
I can feeeeeel the excitement!!!!!!
Let's do it!!!!!
Cardinal fans....prepare to be dethroned!
Hey Hey, Holy Mackeral.........
I know, it is damn cold.
I know, snow is coming.
I know, Spring doesn't start until March 21 or 22 or some time in there.
I know.
But pitchers and catchers reported today.
The time is now!
This is the year!
I can feeeeeel the excitement!!!!!!
Let's do it!!!!!
Cardinal fans....prepare to be dethroned!
Hey Hey, Holy Mackeral.........
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
the more I know, the less I know
Reading on line reviews can be pretty scary
We are in the market for a new couch. Jackie has a little trouble getting out of this one, so we are looking for one with a shorter depth than what we have now.
We found one at a local store we liked. Decided to wait a day before going back. I read reviews about the manufacturer....learn as much as you can, right?
It was like a furniture horror story. Review after review of shoddy construction, seams coming apart, fibers failing, cushions losing their shape. There were 221 reviews posted over a 4 year period....not one was positive.
It wasn't a "Let's bash this manufacturer" site. It was a review your purchase site. In most cases, the dealer was not the problem....the manufacturing was. Sofas showing up with imperfections in the material, or stained material. The company would promise to send people out to look....but never did.
Another complaint was there was a lifetime frame warranty, but the frame broke after 7 years and the customer was told....well, that's the lifetime of the couch. Tough noogies.
How do you find out about furniture? A local dealer carried another manufacturer that looked good, but there are no on line reviews about that one.....which seems to me to be a positive sign. But the dealer also told us, this manufacturer was a step below the one we originally considered.
We want a quality sofa.....and we expect to pay more than an IKEA one would cost, although there is an added benefit of Swedish meatballs with lingonberries at IKEA.
So what brands have any of you had that you hated or loved?
Maybe that would help guide us.
My requirements are it is made in the USA and won't cost a trip to Julia.
We are in the market for a new couch. Jackie has a little trouble getting out of this one, so we are looking for one with a shorter depth than what we have now.
We found one at a local store we liked. Decided to wait a day before going back. I read reviews about the manufacturer....learn as much as you can, right?
It was like a furniture horror story. Review after review of shoddy construction, seams coming apart, fibers failing, cushions losing their shape. There were 221 reviews posted over a 4 year period....not one was positive.
It wasn't a "Let's bash this manufacturer" site. It was a review your purchase site. In most cases, the dealer was not the problem....the manufacturing was. Sofas showing up with imperfections in the material, or stained material. The company would promise to send people out to look....but never did.
Another complaint was there was a lifetime frame warranty, but the frame broke after 7 years and the customer was told....well, that's the lifetime of the couch. Tough noogies.
How do you find out about furniture? A local dealer carried another manufacturer that looked good, but there are no on line reviews about that one.....which seems to me to be a positive sign. But the dealer also told us, this manufacturer was a step below the one we originally considered.
We want a quality sofa.....and we expect to pay more than an IKEA one would cost, although there is an added benefit of Swedish meatballs with lingonberries at IKEA.
So what brands have any of you had that you hated or loved?
Maybe that would help guide us.
My requirements are it is made in the USA and won't cost a trip to Julia.
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
holding my breath
I actually don't feel too sick
That does not sound like a big thing, but for the last four weeks I have had: congestion, intestinal troubles, inability to sleep, eat, or leave the house; tired, flat feet, dandruff, halitosis, migraine, toe fungus, cholera, and several bouts of short term amnesia.
(Kevin, I apologize. My fog was preventing me from recognizing you right away. Kept thinking how you looked like Kevin....and you were.)
But today, holding my breath, I feel better. I am still more tired than I can ever recall, and I am freezing most of the time, but I feel better.
One thing I dreaded about going to the "old people's" gatherings when I was young was their constant carping about their health. NOW I get it! Aches, pains, itches, scratches, strange smells.....all seem to increase when you age. I am them.
I bought one of those cheap Hostess cherry pies two weeks ago and finally had the energy to eat it tonight.
Of course, it probably wasn't the best choice, but it felt so good going down. I just hope it's age and best sold by date is not an indicator that later it will be coming back up.
I have had more chicken noodle soup and crackers than I care to eat for the rest of the winter. I have had so much Gatorade, Michael Jordan sent me a personal note of thanks. I actually managed to watch 61 episodes of Poirot mysteries on Netflix....with the bulk of the episodes being 90 minutes.
I do have one more to watch in season 11, then am in a bind because Netflix only seems to have to season 11 and there were 15 seasons....no task this large should be left undone.
I even missed one of my friend's major birthday party because I wasn't feeling well. Ok, so I wasn't invited......but I would not have been able to go if I was. Same thing.
I would trade feeling better for being prone on a couch with a remote clutched in my cold, dry, scaly, chapped, irritated hands any day. Maybe even tomorrow.
Of course, by then it will be too freakin cold to do anything but lay under covers on a couch and watch tv.
And dream of warmer weather.
That does not sound like a big thing, but for the last four weeks I have had: congestion, intestinal troubles, inability to sleep, eat, or leave the house; tired, flat feet, dandruff, halitosis, migraine, toe fungus, cholera, and several bouts of short term amnesia.
(Kevin, I apologize. My fog was preventing me from recognizing you right away. Kept thinking how you looked like Kevin....and you were.)
But today, holding my breath, I feel better. I am still more tired than I can ever recall, and I am freezing most of the time, but I feel better.
One thing I dreaded about going to the "old people's" gatherings when I was young was their constant carping about their health. NOW I get it! Aches, pains, itches, scratches, strange smells.....all seem to increase when you age. I am them.
I bought one of those cheap Hostess cherry pies two weeks ago and finally had the energy to eat it tonight.
Of course, it probably wasn't the best choice, but it felt so good going down. I just hope it's age and best sold by date is not an indicator that later it will be coming back up.
I have had more chicken noodle soup and crackers than I care to eat for the rest of the winter. I have had so much Gatorade, Michael Jordan sent me a personal note of thanks. I actually managed to watch 61 episodes of Poirot mysteries on Netflix....with the bulk of the episodes being 90 minutes.
I do have one more to watch in season 11, then am in a bind because Netflix only seems to have to season 11 and there were 15 seasons....no task this large should be left undone.
I even missed one of my friend's major birthday party because I wasn't feeling well. Ok, so I wasn't invited......but I would not have been able to go if I was. Same thing.
I would trade feeling better for being prone on a couch with a remote clutched in my cold, dry, scaly, chapped, irritated hands any day. Maybe even tomorrow.
Of course, by then it will be too freakin cold to do anything but lay under covers on a couch and watch tv.
And dream of warmer weather.
Monday, February 16, 2015
here we go
I knew in trouble
Guys, you know how it starts.
Innocently, enough.
But then it grows. And grows. And grows.
Someone found a picture on line of a living room. (Damn those computers.) She liked the color.
"Terry, look at this picture. But I don't think you'll like it."
So we went to look, but she had lost the website.
"There was a color I know you won't like."
Now we often show each other pictures of things on the web. Nothing strange. Then the truth.
"I really like that color." Warning Bells!! Warning Bells!!!
We are talking about new furniture, so I assumed she meant the color in the furniture.
Au contrairie, mon frer!
"You'll have to paint the back wall in the dining nook and the lower part of the dining room."
Moi??!! Paint??
Has she forgotten about the dropped gallon that went everywhere in the family room?
Does she not remember that I painted the basement twice and still missed areas?
Did she forget I painted the ceiling three times in the basement? And what the floor looked like when I was done? Might as well have painted that too.
Painting is not my strength.
But I can pick up the phone and call a guy named Dane, who does a great job at painting.
And I can write a check.
I need to save my talents for where they work best....sleeping and playing spider solitaire.
Guys, you know how it starts.
Innocently, enough.
But then it grows. And grows. And grows.
Someone found a picture on line of a living room. (Damn those computers.) She liked the color.
"Terry, look at this picture. But I don't think you'll like it."
So we went to look, but she had lost the website.
"There was a color I know you won't like."
Now we often show each other pictures of things on the web. Nothing strange. Then the truth.
"I really like that color." Warning Bells!! Warning Bells!!!
We are talking about new furniture, so I assumed she meant the color in the furniture.
Au contrairie, mon frer!
"You'll have to paint the back wall in the dining nook and the lower part of the dining room."
Moi??!! Paint??
Has she forgotten about the dropped gallon that went everywhere in the family room?
Does she not remember that I painted the basement twice and still missed areas?
Did she forget I painted the ceiling three times in the basement? And what the floor looked like when I was done? Might as well have painted that too.
Painting is not my strength.
But I can pick up the phone and call a guy named Dane, who does a great job at painting.
And I can write a check.
I need to save my talents for where they work best....sleeping and playing spider solitaire.
Sunday, February 15, 2015
Where has the time gone.....
I always wanted to be on Saturday Night Live
Watching the show tonight brought back so many memories.
John Belushi dishing up cheeze bourgers, cheeze bourgers, Chris Farley living in a van down by the river, Jane, you ignorant slut, the Blues Brothers, all those images fly through my mind watching tonight.
Deep down inside I always wanted to audition for the show. Go to New York, cold, and try to audition. I have no idea how that works.
By the time the show started, I was married with one child and there was no way I could have taken that chance.
At one point they had a contest for someone to guest host the show. I sent in my entry, but the winner was an 82 year old lady whose 25 words or less entry was something like: My doctor said I don't have long to live.
I know I would have wowed them with my quick, rapier like wit.
I also think of Chris Farley and John Belushi, incredible talents and incredible futures who were not strong enough to fight their demons.
Yes, I realize I have been blessed with my life, very blessed.
Yet, I still wonder. What if.....
Watching the show tonight brought back so many memories.
John Belushi dishing up cheeze bourgers, cheeze bourgers, Chris Farley living in a van down by the river, Jane, you ignorant slut, the Blues Brothers, all those images fly through my mind watching tonight.
Deep down inside I always wanted to audition for the show. Go to New York, cold, and try to audition. I have no idea how that works.
By the time the show started, I was married with one child and there was no way I could have taken that chance.
At one point they had a contest for someone to guest host the show. I sent in my entry, but the winner was an 82 year old lady whose 25 words or less entry was something like: My doctor said I don't have long to live.
I know I would have wowed them with my quick, rapier like wit.
I also think of Chris Farley and John Belushi, incredible talents and incredible futures who were not strong enough to fight their demons.
Yes, I realize I have been blessed with my life, very blessed.
Yet, I still wonder. What if.....
Saturday, February 14, 2015
mind over matter
I am not cold
I will not be cold this next week.
All I have to do is think of warm things.
Mowing the lawn on a 90 degree day
Swimming in a pool
Soaking in a hot tub
Cub game in August
First week of school
Tea
Weeding in my gardens
Riding my bike
Sweat dripping down my nose and off my forehead
Smelly people
Car seats so hot they leave waffle burns on my butt
My hands melting and sticking to the steering wheel
A blazing hot sun in the noon sky
Resting my eyes on my chaise lounge on the porch
The drone of lawnmowers
Cicadas
Cooking on the Weber
Wow......I do feel much warmer. Think I will just go crawl off into my sleep sack, bury my head under a couple of blankets and wait until May.
I will not be cold this next week.
All I have to do is think of warm things.
Mowing the lawn on a 90 degree day
Swimming in a pool
Soaking in a hot tub
Cub game in August
First week of school
Tea
Weeding in my gardens
Riding my bike
Sweat dripping down my nose and off my forehead
Smelly people
Car seats so hot they leave waffle burns on my butt
My hands melting and sticking to the steering wheel
A blazing hot sun in the noon sky
Resting my eyes on my chaise lounge on the porch
The drone of lawnmowers
Cicadas
Cooking on the Weber
Wow......I do feel much warmer. Think I will just go crawl off into my sleep sack, bury my head under a couple of blankets and wait until May.
Friday, February 13, 2015
that was a waste
I did not win Powerball
I bet you have figured that out.
The odds are something like 1 in 4 million, or 40 million, whatever. I spent $6 on tickets, but got zippo in return.
Well, almost nothing. I did get the chance to dream big! I helped a lot of kids go to college, built a rec center, helped Brookfield and Lincoln Park zoos, put a massive security system around the house, and provided money to lots of relatives, known and unknown.
But I didn't win.
Now $6 is not a lot of money, but it is enough to buy a couple gallons of gas, or two Sunday Tribunes, or a specialty coffee, a Jimmy Johns', dinner at McDonald's.....a variety of food items, clothing, candy, and whatever.
A nice Valentine's Day present for Jackie.
OK, not for $6......maybe $7 or $8.
One Valentine's I had a vestry meeting at church. I had nothing for her. I was teaching, life was hectic, and after the meeting I went to Jewel in DeKalb. I was not the only man there. We all had this frantic look on the face, like a deer in the headlights. (Figuratively, or I would have said dear). I don't remember what I got her that year, but again, I don't remember breakfast.
It's hard to buy something for her. She doesn't use make up or perfume, doesn't wear a lot of jewelry, is picky about clothing, does not like chocolate very much......which leaves flowers.
But I didn't get those either.
It is not too late. Walmart is open 24 hours...........and I bet I would not be the only man there.
I bet you have figured that out.
The odds are something like 1 in 4 million, or 40 million, whatever. I spent $6 on tickets, but got zippo in return.
Well, almost nothing. I did get the chance to dream big! I helped a lot of kids go to college, built a rec center, helped Brookfield and Lincoln Park zoos, put a massive security system around the house, and provided money to lots of relatives, known and unknown.
But I didn't win.
Now $6 is not a lot of money, but it is enough to buy a couple gallons of gas, or two Sunday Tribunes, or a specialty coffee, a Jimmy Johns', dinner at McDonald's.....a variety of food items, clothing, candy, and whatever.
A nice Valentine's Day present for Jackie.
OK, not for $6......maybe $7 or $8.
One Valentine's I had a vestry meeting at church. I had nothing for her. I was teaching, life was hectic, and after the meeting I went to Jewel in DeKalb. I was not the only man there. We all had this frantic look on the face, like a deer in the headlights. (Figuratively, or I would have said dear). I don't remember what I got her that year, but again, I don't remember breakfast.
It's hard to buy something for her. She doesn't use make up or perfume, doesn't wear a lot of jewelry, is picky about clothing, does not like chocolate very much......which leaves flowers.
But I didn't get those either.
It is not too late. Walmart is open 24 hours...........and I bet I would not be the only man there.
Thursday, February 12, 2015
What a week
I am looking forward to nothing
My week at Emily's ended without a lot of fanfare. No messes on the floor, no piles or pee to clean up. No hairballs. The dogs and cat also did fine, although cat was not happy with me for not giving her treats every time I walked in the door. Wait...she also said something about guinea pigs....oh well.
I should have warned her (Emily, not the cat) about the thermostat. My first night there I almost froze. She turns the heat down to like 47 below at night. Plus, I had a fever, so I shook and shivered in between bouts of sweating. I raised it to a more acceptable 67 the next night. Acceptable to me, anyways. I don't think I lowered it. Maybe tonight she will enjoy the heat.
I sleep in a sleeping bag at her house. My bag is good to 32 degrees, but it was not warm enough on Sunday. I know it sounds crazy, but I don't have to make the bed. I would sleep in a sleeping bag at home if Jackie approved, which she doesn't. I did ask.
I am feeling better. But I am not well. Here's how I know:
Only one helping for dinner.
The cheap cherry pie I bought last Sunday is still sitting on the counter, unopened.
Jackie made cookies tonight. I did not eat any. I did not eat the left over icing.
I have not had chocolate in 5 days.
I have not had wine in three weeks.
I ache. I am tired. I am bloated. I am wearing suspenders.
Yes, suspenders.
My pants keep falling down. I wear a size 36 "relaxed" fit and for some reason, they don't seem to sit across my waist anymore. I am like a kid. Meaning that sometimes my pants are hanging below the plumbers line.
One day I carried out some compost material, and by the time I got to the back yard I thought they were going all the way to the ground.
So I bought suspenders. I have not had to hitch up my pants all day.
But I hate them. I look very odd. And old.
Yes, I would look odder with my pants around my knees in the dairy aisle at the grocery store too, so I guess I will keep wearing them.
But please don't laugh at me.
My week at Emily's ended without a lot of fanfare. No messes on the floor, no piles or pee to clean up. No hairballs. The dogs and cat also did fine, although cat was not happy with me for not giving her treats every time I walked in the door. Wait...she also said something about guinea pigs....oh well.
I should have warned her (Emily, not the cat) about the thermostat. My first night there I almost froze. She turns the heat down to like 47 below at night. Plus, I had a fever, so I shook and shivered in between bouts of sweating. I raised it to a more acceptable 67 the next night. Acceptable to me, anyways. I don't think I lowered it. Maybe tonight she will enjoy the heat.
I sleep in a sleeping bag at her house. My bag is good to 32 degrees, but it was not warm enough on Sunday. I know it sounds crazy, but I don't have to make the bed. I would sleep in a sleeping bag at home if Jackie approved, which she doesn't. I did ask.
I am feeling better. But I am not well. Here's how I know:
Only one helping for dinner.
The cheap cherry pie I bought last Sunday is still sitting on the counter, unopened.
Jackie made cookies tonight. I did not eat any. I did not eat the left over icing.
I have not had chocolate in 5 days.
I have not had wine in three weeks.
I ache. I am tired. I am bloated. I am wearing suspenders.
Yes, suspenders.
My pants keep falling down. I wear a size 36 "relaxed" fit and for some reason, they don't seem to sit across my waist anymore. I am like a kid. Meaning that sometimes my pants are hanging below the plumbers line.
One day I carried out some compost material, and by the time I got to the back yard I thought they were going all the way to the ground.
So I bought suspenders. I have not had to hitch up my pants all day.
But I hate them. I look very odd. And old.
Yes, I would look odder with my pants around my knees in the dairy aisle at the grocery store too, so I guess I will keep wearing them.
But please don't laugh at me.
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
a mystery of life
I feel better today
Notice, I did not say I felt well. I feel better.
I seem to be very tired and highly uncoordinated. I have slipped a couple of times, and I feel like I am in a fog.
What happened?
Wish I knew.
I went to Emily's Sunday night. at about 1 a.m., I experienced some abdominal discomfort. I was like a menopausal woman...bloating, cramping, and highly irritable.
I laid in bed, alternating between freezing and sweating. I could not sleep. But I could think.
First off, I thought about winning the 400 million dollar lottery. I set up a scholarship program, funded several foundations, built a YMCA with indoor pool and splash pad area, complete with senior citizens' wing, a coffee bar, indoor soccer fields......and provided free membership for the first three years. then I thought about the train tracks, the petroleum trains that roll through town, and the devastation when they derail.
I actually visualized a flaming tank hurtling through the air and landing in her back yard! A set of train wheels crashed through the living room and into the basement.
But I could not work out how to evacuate the 5 dogs, cat, guinea pigs and me in my Honda. So mentally, Jackie had to come over and load the van. But then we had a problem....where to keep everybody because we don't have a fence and I can't leash walk all those dogs.
Then I thought about attending a World Series game in Chicago between the Cubs and Sox.
And another flaming train car smashed into the house.
I don't think I slept longer than five minutes during the night.
Monday I went to the doctor. They did a flu test...they take this long stick and poke it up your nose until it comes out of your eye sockets or ears. They did a blood test. They did other tests.
Official diagnosis?
You call it. Could be food poisoning. Could be diverticulitis. Could be C Diff. Could be something else.
All I know is I have lost 5 pounds....and am spending a second day prone on a bed, or couch.
And I have not felt well since Jan. 23. Time for spring.
Notice, I did not say I felt well. I feel better.
I seem to be very tired and highly uncoordinated. I have slipped a couple of times, and I feel like I am in a fog.
What happened?
Wish I knew.
I went to Emily's Sunday night. at about 1 a.m., I experienced some abdominal discomfort. I was like a menopausal woman...bloating, cramping, and highly irritable.
I laid in bed, alternating between freezing and sweating. I could not sleep. But I could think.
First off, I thought about winning the 400 million dollar lottery. I set up a scholarship program, funded several foundations, built a YMCA with indoor pool and splash pad area, complete with senior citizens' wing, a coffee bar, indoor soccer fields......and provided free membership for the first three years. then I thought about the train tracks, the petroleum trains that roll through town, and the devastation when they derail.
I actually visualized a flaming tank hurtling through the air and landing in her back yard! A set of train wheels crashed through the living room and into the basement.
But I could not work out how to evacuate the 5 dogs, cat, guinea pigs and me in my Honda. So mentally, Jackie had to come over and load the van. But then we had a problem....where to keep everybody because we don't have a fence and I can't leash walk all those dogs.
Then I thought about attending a World Series game in Chicago between the Cubs and Sox.
And another flaming train car smashed into the house.
I don't think I slept longer than five minutes during the night.
Monday I went to the doctor. They did a flu test...they take this long stick and poke it up your nose until it comes out of your eye sockets or ears. They did a blood test. They did other tests.
Official diagnosis?
You call it. Could be food poisoning. Could be diverticulitis. Could be C Diff. Could be something else.
All I know is I have lost 5 pounds....and am spending a second day prone on a bed, or couch.
And I have not felt well since Jan. 23. Time for spring.
Sunday, February 8, 2015
I just don't get it
I tried following directions
I tried. I really did.
Hit the middle button and everything turns on. I can watch TV with one push of a button.
So when the blue screen came on, I knew that was not going to be true tonight.
I finally got to Netflix, but I could not figure out how to watch Poirot on Netflix. After many unsuccessful attempts, I realized the Apple remote was the key. And voila! Poirot.
I had to do all of this with an orange psycho cat nestled on my chest, refusing to move, and a huge confused looking Great Dane staring at me and craving pets on his head.
Why? You ask? I am dog sitting!!
It should not be too bad. Five dogs, one crazy cat, two guinea pigs and a slightly, overweight, out of shape old guy together for four days.
Good time to work on lines for the upcoming show. But somewhere between my house and Em's, my tape recorded lines disappeared.
Emily and John keep it a little cooler, so when I go back after supper I will turn the heat up to a more comfortable setting. Right now it's on "freeze your ass off" and I plan to put it on, "finally, I can take off my coat."
No wonder the dogs shiver. It's not fear!
There is a lot of responsibility with this job. Can't let the dogs or cat in with the guinea pigs, can't let the cat in the bedroom at night because it is psycho, with a capital P. Don't let Dog A out with Dog B and encourage Bennett to, at some point in the next four days, go outside.
I also have to try to read Cooper's mind, to get some idea of why he stands barking furiously and intensely at a wall.
I keep hearing Cooper and the cat don't get along, so I was a little wary when Cooper started licking the cat. Not sure if it was affection, or a tasting.
In any case, the fun begins!!
I tried. I really did.
Hit the middle button and everything turns on. I can watch TV with one push of a button.
So when the blue screen came on, I knew that was not going to be true tonight.
I finally got to Netflix, but I could not figure out how to watch Poirot on Netflix. After many unsuccessful attempts, I realized the Apple remote was the key. And voila! Poirot.
I had to do all of this with an orange psycho cat nestled on my chest, refusing to move, and a huge confused looking Great Dane staring at me and craving pets on his head.
Why? You ask? I am dog sitting!!
It should not be too bad. Five dogs, one crazy cat, two guinea pigs and a slightly, overweight, out of shape old guy together for four days.
Good time to work on lines for the upcoming show. But somewhere between my house and Em's, my tape recorded lines disappeared.
Emily and John keep it a little cooler, so when I go back after supper I will turn the heat up to a more comfortable setting. Right now it's on "freeze your ass off" and I plan to put it on, "finally, I can take off my coat."
No wonder the dogs shiver. It's not fear!
There is a lot of responsibility with this job. Can't let the dogs or cat in with the guinea pigs, can't let the cat in the bedroom at night because it is psycho, with a capital P. Don't let Dog A out with Dog B and encourage Bennett to, at some point in the next four days, go outside.
I also have to try to read Cooper's mind, to get some idea of why he stands barking furiously and intensely at a wall.
I keep hearing Cooper and the cat don't get along, so I was a little wary when Cooper started licking the cat. Not sure if it was affection, or a tasting.
In any case, the fun begins!!
Saturday, February 7, 2015
From the heart, really
I went to my major social outing of the year
Tonight was the annual From the Heart Fundraiser in Rochelle, Sponsored by Rotary, the event raises money that helps support various charities in the area.
The tickets are pricey, I suppose to keep the riff raff out....but I still got in.
During the night you can bid on several silent auction items and play some games that offer neat prizes. There is a live auction also, this year featuring a signed Bart Star jersey, an autographed picture of Gail Sayers and someone else taken at the end of the game in which The Kansas Comet scored six touchdowns, Black Hawks legend poster, and other items.
Last year I bought an Ernie Banks autographed ball in a shadow box. The year before I bought an,Ernie Banks autographed and framed picture. There were no Ernie items this year....so I sat on my hands.
Only made a few social faux pas.....called three people by the wrong name. but I did recognize three former students and correctly called them by their actual names!! The fourth I am still a little fuzzy about.
I know it is early to think about next year, but consider attending. It is a very worthwhile night.
And Pat, we sat with a family that was very excited to win a Geo caching experience! I told them to contact you and Mike because they are interested in learning how to do that. If a guy named Steve calls, we sent him.
Peace.
Tonight was the annual From the Heart Fundraiser in Rochelle, Sponsored by Rotary, the event raises money that helps support various charities in the area.
The tickets are pricey, I suppose to keep the riff raff out....but I still got in.
During the night you can bid on several silent auction items and play some games that offer neat prizes. There is a live auction also, this year featuring a signed Bart Star jersey, an autographed picture of Gail Sayers and someone else taken at the end of the game in which The Kansas Comet scored six touchdowns, Black Hawks legend poster, and other items.
Last year I bought an Ernie Banks autographed ball in a shadow box. The year before I bought an,Ernie Banks autographed and framed picture. There were no Ernie items this year....so I sat on my hands.
Only made a few social faux pas.....called three people by the wrong name. but I did recognize three former students and correctly called them by their actual names!! The fourth I am still a little fuzzy about.
I know it is early to think about next year, but consider attending. It is a very worthwhile night.
And Pat, we sat with a family that was very excited to win a Geo caching experience! I told them to contact you and Mike because they are interested in learning how to do that. If a guy named Steve calls, we sent him.
Peace.
Friday, February 6, 2015
once upon a time, a long, long ago
I nearly died
At least that is what my mom and dad told me. I truthfully don't remember much about it, maybe my much older brother Carl will.
I was in fourth or fifth grade at Ravenswood Elementary in Chicago. (Current link to the news: Mayor Rahm lives near the school.)
I think my teacher was a Mrs. Bird. I think. I remember her as tall, skinny, white hair and a love for Arizona. Over Christmas Break she went there, bringing back cactus candy and chocolate covered ants for the more adventurous students to try. But John will undoubtedly remember the right names.
Sometime that spring, I got sick.
High fever, what seemed like daily doctor visits in the third floor apartment we had. Cold rags placed over my forehead. I was kept in a room with the shades drawn, I remember being told that the bright light could cause blindness or vision loss if I had looked at it.
No reading. We did not have a television that I remember. If we did, I did not watch it.
I just remember aching, high temperature, sleeping a lot, and those miserable little red spots all over my body.
Some days I had to go down the three flights and go to our neighbors. Mrs. Maudlin and her Scott Terrier Blackie would then baby sit me. At night I would make the trip back up the stairs.
I missed a lot of school. There was some consideration of holding me back because I missed so much and could not do the work at home because they didn't want me to read.
Realize that was 58 years ago, so some of my facts may be a little off. But I seem to remember missing five or six weeks of school and getting extra help when I did come back.
I don't wish anyone to have measles.
It can be deadly, can cause life long damage, and can be prevented by a vaccine.
I don't thing that was available back in 1958....if it was, I am sure my folks would have spared me the pain and agony and gotten me the shot.
That's all I have to say about it.
At least that is what my mom and dad told me. I truthfully don't remember much about it, maybe my much older brother Carl will.
I was in fourth or fifth grade at Ravenswood Elementary in Chicago. (Current link to the news: Mayor Rahm lives near the school.)
I think my teacher was a Mrs. Bird. I think. I remember her as tall, skinny, white hair and a love for Arizona. Over Christmas Break she went there, bringing back cactus candy and chocolate covered ants for the more adventurous students to try. But John will undoubtedly remember the right names.
Sometime that spring, I got sick.
High fever, what seemed like daily doctor visits in the third floor apartment we had. Cold rags placed over my forehead. I was kept in a room with the shades drawn, I remember being told that the bright light could cause blindness or vision loss if I had looked at it.
No reading. We did not have a television that I remember. If we did, I did not watch it.
I just remember aching, high temperature, sleeping a lot, and those miserable little red spots all over my body.
Some days I had to go down the three flights and go to our neighbors. Mrs. Maudlin and her Scott Terrier Blackie would then baby sit me. At night I would make the trip back up the stairs.
I missed a lot of school. There was some consideration of holding me back because I missed so much and could not do the work at home because they didn't want me to read.
Realize that was 58 years ago, so some of my facts may be a little off. But I seem to remember missing five or six weeks of school and getting extra help when I did come back.
I don't wish anyone to have measles.
It can be deadly, can cause life long damage, and can be prevented by a vaccine.
I don't thing that was available back in 1958....if it was, I am sure my folks would have spared me the pain and agony and gotten me the shot.
That's all I have to say about it.
Thursday, February 5, 2015
once upon a mattress
We may be buying a new mattress
Several years ago Jackie had a back problem. I figured it was the 20 year old mattress we had been sleeping on, so we bought a new sleeping system.
That's right, a sleeping system.
It has controls for different sleeping needs, from pillow soft to firm and hard, like my abs. We both have set them fairly high.
She doesn't like it. She doesn't feel she has the right mattress for the sleep she needs.
So we have been watching ads on TV.
The $179 queen from "mattress outlet" didn't seem like a price you would pay for a quality queen. Then I saw the bed with the rising back. You can lift the legs, or the head, depending on your needs. And each side has its own control! I could have my head up, she could sleep level. I could have my feet level, she could have hers up.
Ideal, is it not?
I started thinking. What happens if I hit the lower button in the middle of the night? Will I get her head caught between the two mattresses? Will I wake up in the morning and see just her body and feet....and no head??
What if the bed goes crazy and the feet go up and the head goes up and I have to sleep like a U?
Will my legs/feet/arms get wedged between the sides and squashed like a roach on a cheap diner's Formica table?
It is all to much for me to think about. And I know I can't "sleep on it" because it will give me nightmares.
So I think we will be looking for a conventional mattress.
At our age, it isn't wise to mess with mother Serta.
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
feeling a little cranky tonight
Some things just bug the hell out of me
We live in a world fraught with dangers, wars, disease, pestilence, want.....
My complaints are of a much smaller nature.
Who designs those packages with the "peel here to open" packaging? They should be peeled and opened because lord knows I can't get at the stuff inside without a scissors or pliers.
Why can't people put their cars in the cart corrals in parking lots? I actually watched a guy load his SUV, then push the cart into an empty space even though he was 10 feet away from a cart corral! If I didn't fear getting shot, I would have said something.
Why do people who are afraid to drive in snowy conditions still drive and do 10 miles an hour? If you are that scared, stay home!
Telemarketers. I do not have Com Ed, I won't support your candidate, and I really don't want to take your survey on whatever it is. Leave me alone!
People who go out in public in: their pajamas, sweatpants that are too tight for them, wearing shirts with obscenities, exposing their stomachs by letting them hang uncovered over their belts! Seriously!!
People who wait until the clerk totals up their purchase to start digging out their credit card, money, or worse yet, checkbook. If you are buying something, you are going to have to pay so get the money out!
Lines. Except at Disney World.
My inability to remember names. Or at least, correct names.
Typos in a newspaper.
Self published books that were not proofed by someone with a basic knowledge of the English language.
Tossing a pass at the one yard line.
Beer vendors at the ball park.....why do they always stop and stand in front of me?
People who smell. I was behind a guy last week and almost gagged. Showers and baths are a great benefit to your fellow man.
People who don't read my blog.
Thanks, I really do feel better now. Glad I could get all that off my chest.
We live in a world fraught with dangers, wars, disease, pestilence, want.....
My complaints are of a much smaller nature.
Who designs those packages with the "peel here to open" packaging? They should be peeled and opened because lord knows I can't get at the stuff inside without a scissors or pliers.
Why can't people put their cars in the cart corrals in parking lots? I actually watched a guy load his SUV, then push the cart into an empty space even though he was 10 feet away from a cart corral! If I didn't fear getting shot, I would have said something.
Why do people who are afraid to drive in snowy conditions still drive and do 10 miles an hour? If you are that scared, stay home!
Telemarketers. I do not have Com Ed, I won't support your candidate, and I really don't want to take your survey on whatever it is. Leave me alone!
People who go out in public in: their pajamas, sweatpants that are too tight for them, wearing shirts with obscenities, exposing their stomachs by letting them hang uncovered over their belts! Seriously!!
People who wait until the clerk totals up their purchase to start digging out their credit card, money, or worse yet, checkbook. If you are buying something, you are going to have to pay so get the money out!
Lines. Except at Disney World.
My inability to remember names. Or at least, correct names.
Typos in a newspaper.
Self published books that were not proofed by someone with a basic knowledge of the English language.
Tossing a pass at the one yard line.
Beer vendors at the ball park.....why do they always stop and stand in front of me?
People who smell. I was behind a guy last week and almost gagged. Showers and baths are a great benefit to your fellow man.
People who don't read my blog.
Thanks, I really do feel better now. Glad I could get all that off my chest.
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
time for an update
I am not a statistics person
I checked my stats page for this blog today.
There have been 17,105 page views. So 17,105 times you folks took the time to read, and hopefully laugh, at my daily life.
People from 10 countries have at least 20 page views. Of course, the US leads, and Switzerland is second. Other countries where people have looked at a page include France, Germany, Russia, Poland, Ukraine, Turkey, Romania and Italy. I get Switzerland, can even understand France and Germany, but the others must just be people fishing for stuff. Maybe the former Soviet Republics don't have a lot of entertainment options.
Sixteen percent of the viewers used an I Phone. I guess if you are stuck in traffic and need a brief diversion, this could be the answer.
And I have made 401 entries, counting this.
Not bad for a person who can't complete things, although I will not this is the only goal I have completed in the past three years.
I am 497 miles away from my goal of walking 500 miles, and 483 miles away from riding 500 miles. Conversely, my weight has crept up over the past two weeks.
But now I have an antibiotic, some extra strength cough syrup, and a medically approved plan to restore my health in three days.
We'll see about that!
I checked my stats page for this blog today.
There have been 17,105 page views. So 17,105 times you folks took the time to read, and hopefully laugh, at my daily life.
People from 10 countries have at least 20 page views. Of course, the US leads, and Switzerland is second. Other countries where people have looked at a page include France, Germany, Russia, Poland, Ukraine, Turkey, Romania and Italy. I get Switzerland, can even understand France and Germany, but the others must just be people fishing for stuff. Maybe the former Soviet Republics don't have a lot of entertainment options.
Sixteen percent of the viewers used an I Phone. I guess if you are stuck in traffic and need a brief diversion, this could be the answer.
And I have made 401 entries, counting this.
Not bad for a person who can't complete things, although I will not this is the only goal I have completed in the past three years.
I am 497 miles away from my goal of walking 500 miles, and 483 miles away from riding 500 miles. Conversely, my weight has crept up over the past two weeks.
But now I have an antibiotic, some extra strength cough syrup, and a medically approved plan to restore my health in three days.
We'll see about that!
Monday, February 2, 2015
timing is everything
I picked the winning numbers in last week's Powerball
The problem is, I did not pick them for that game. I picked them last July, August, September.......whenever the jackpot goes over $200 million. And I did not pick them all in one game. A number here, a number there.....but I did actually win $1. The best is yet to come, and I will still treat people to White Castles when I hit the big one.
Last weekend's snow was long overdue. All winter I have been waiting to strap on the newly repaired snowshoes and go out into the woods. Now that we have snow, I have a cold and can't imagine expending energy tromping through the woods. I can barely keep my eyes open when I am watching TV, yet I don't fall asleep.
But my timing is nothing compared to Pete Carroll of the Seahawks. Seriously, I am an idiot and yet I would have given the ball to one of the hardest running backs in football, or at least rolled my QB out to the left and had him run it. A pass?? Good grief.
Life is like a good joke. Timing matters.
How many times have you missed something, or someone, because you were just a minute late. You could have been late because you got behind a slow driver, or a tractor, or a school bus, or got caught by a train. Just as you reach the destination, your moment has passed. The timing was off.
I wonder what my life would have been like if I was born in the 1930s, or 1920s. I love British period pieces, Downton Abbey, Agatha Christie's Poirot, and sometimes I wish that would have been my era too. Of course I have to get around that Depression, World War thing, but it does seem like a nice time.
Like I said, timing is everything...... if my German grandmother had knocked on Mom and Dad's apartment door at the right time, I might not even be here!
And if I don't go to bed soon, I might not get my normal five hours sleep.
So, my time is up for tonight.
The problem is, I did not pick them for that game. I picked them last July, August, September.......whenever the jackpot goes over $200 million. And I did not pick them all in one game. A number here, a number there.....but I did actually win $1. The best is yet to come, and I will still treat people to White Castles when I hit the big one.
Last weekend's snow was long overdue. All winter I have been waiting to strap on the newly repaired snowshoes and go out into the woods. Now that we have snow, I have a cold and can't imagine expending energy tromping through the woods. I can barely keep my eyes open when I am watching TV, yet I don't fall asleep.
But my timing is nothing compared to Pete Carroll of the Seahawks. Seriously, I am an idiot and yet I would have given the ball to one of the hardest running backs in football, or at least rolled my QB out to the left and had him run it. A pass?? Good grief.
Life is like a good joke. Timing matters.
How many times have you missed something, or someone, because you were just a minute late. You could have been late because you got behind a slow driver, or a tractor, or a school bus, or got caught by a train. Just as you reach the destination, your moment has passed. The timing was off.
I wonder what my life would have been like if I was born in the 1930s, or 1920s. I love British period pieces, Downton Abbey, Agatha Christie's Poirot, and sometimes I wish that would have been my era too. Of course I have to get around that Depression, World War thing, but it does seem like a nice time.
Like I said, timing is everything...... if my German grandmother had knocked on Mom and Dad's apartment door at the right time, I might not even be here!
And if I don't go to bed soon, I might not get my normal five hours sleep.
So, my time is up for tonight.
Sunday, February 1, 2015
whew, what a day
I have had a very long day
The heat didn't work. The hot water didn't work. It was cold outside. The driveway drifted. My daughter was at work, causing me to worry needlessly. i rooted for the Seahawks. My cold is still dragging on.
We have an on demand hot water system. There is an air filter on the unit, and sometimes it gets clogged with dirt. Once I figured out that was the problem, it only took a few minutes to take the tank front off, drop the screws on the ground, take out the filter, clean it, replace it, look for the dropped screws, find the directions for resetting it and voila! Hot water. Instantly.
The furnace is another story. After the new electric meter was installed, the furnace was not running. I went downstairs and threw the breaker, and it started working again. Fast forward to waking up to a 62 degree house, and you see my concern. I threw the breaker again, but nothing happened. Then about two hours later, it went on! The house heated up and we were fine. Until tonight. Now, nothing is going. It will be a cold morning.
That was quite the storm, wasn't it? The howling, the screaming....but enough about me. It was so cold, I saw a snowman rubbing his arms together to start a fire! I saw two snowflakes that were alike!
A day of sneezing, coughing, wheezing, drinking tea, indifferently watching a Super Bowl game, watching cars creep down the road......now I am tired. Doing nothing can cause that.
The heat didn't work. The hot water didn't work. It was cold outside. The driveway drifted. My daughter was at work, causing me to worry needlessly. i rooted for the Seahawks. My cold is still dragging on.
We have an on demand hot water system. There is an air filter on the unit, and sometimes it gets clogged with dirt. Once I figured out that was the problem, it only took a few minutes to take the tank front off, drop the screws on the ground, take out the filter, clean it, replace it, look for the dropped screws, find the directions for resetting it and voila! Hot water. Instantly.
The furnace is another story. After the new electric meter was installed, the furnace was not running. I went downstairs and threw the breaker, and it started working again. Fast forward to waking up to a 62 degree house, and you see my concern. I threw the breaker again, but nothing happened. Then about two hours later, it went on! The house heated up and we were fine. Until tonight. Now, nothing is going. It will be a cold morning.
That was quite the storm, wasn't it? The howling, the screaming....but enough about me. It was so cold, I saw a snowman rubbing his arms together to start a fire! I saw two snowflakes that were alike!
A day of sneezing, coughing, wheezing, drinking tea, indifferently watching a Super Bowl game, watching cars creep down the road......now I am tired. Doing nothing can cause that.
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