show me the way to go home, I'm tired and I want ....

I have a fear of getting lost

     Someday I will be going to go into town for the Tribune and police will find me three days later in Denver, still looking for a paper.
     No, I am not senile yet.  (By the way, when my pops started losing his memory, we called it senility.  Alzheimer's had not been discovered yet.) I am directionally challenged.
      I just don't know that I am.
      One day when I was teaching fifth grade, I was asked  by another teacher to watch  a student because the kid  had some work to do.  It was a long time ago, because Beth was the one keeping Nicole after.  I said she and her brother Andrew could work in my room until someone came to pick them up at 4 or 4:30, whatever.
       We were sitting at the back table.  Nicole was doing some work.  Andrew was drawing a picture.  Nicole must have asked about the Mississippi River and where it was on the map.
       Andrew, who was in second grade, looked up and said, "I saw the Mississippi River once.  We were going to Florida and we crossed it."
       Seeing the teachable moment, I asked Nicole to show him the river on the map and to show him about where we lived.
       "See Andrew?  We are here, Florida is there, and here is the Mississippi River.  Do you think you cross the Mississippi to get to Florida?"
       He said yes.
       I pointed out all the places again, and found the Ohio River.  I said, "Look, Andrew.  Here is how you get to Florida from here.  This is the Ohio River.  It is pretty big.  You probably crossed that river."
      He said again he crossed the Mississippi.
      I finally said, "Andrew. you don't cross the Mississippi River when you drive to Florida."
      Without a pause he said, "You do if your grandma turns the wrong way."
      He had a point.
      When I left the zoo today (Gawd, what a mess a gas leak can cause.  Film at 11!) I had two stops.  The Crate and Barrel outlet on 59 south of 88 and Lou Malnati's Pizza on Randall Road.  No problem.
      Ill 59 is a busy road.  The four lanes are usually packed with cars and trucks.  Try it when there are only two lanes due to road construction.
     I did find Crate and Barrel.  Unfortunately, they did not have what I wanted.  (But I still spent $25.  Place mats and napkins and beer glasses are all on sale!)
     That's when the fun started.
     I did not want to take 59 north, so I figured just take an east west road until I hit Randall Road.
     I found one, and drove west.  Then north.  Then south.  Then west.
     I swear to god, I passed the Eiffel Tower.  I crossed the Fox River, maybe twice.
     I usually get home around 4 from the zoo.  At around 5:15, I was still headed west when lo and behold!  Randall Road!!
     From there is was a short drive to Malnati's for 9 frozen pies, then on home.  I got home about 6:30.
     GPS?  Who needs it.  Crumpled state road map?  Totally unnecessary.
     Like a pigeon, I always find home.   Sometimes it just takes a while.