I have proven Newton correct

I have learned to hire professionals

     Emily mentioned recently she was thinking of repainting rooms in her house.  I said we could do it in a couple of days.  She wants to hire a professional.
     Huh.  I was insulted.  I have experience painting.
     When our current house was being built, we hired a professional.  I came in one night and picked up a can of peach to see how much was left.  The can slipped out of my hands, hit the floor, and the lid flew off.
     Paint was splattered everywhere.
     I thought I could just leave and blame vandals, but Jackie said I had to fess up.  So I called the painter and told him what I had done.
     He was not amused.
     We decided to repaint a room because the color was not what we wanted (think bright blue...then put a sunlamp in it to make it even brighter).
      When I asked how long it would take him to redo, he asked me if I was helping.  Seems if I helped, he would plan on twice as long and another gallon.
     I have painted before.
     I even painted the exterior of our house on Mill Pond.  There was a peak, and I made Jackie go up on the ladder to do that.  But I painted the rest of the house.
    This was a tri-level, and I could not quite reach the top on the backside with my short ladder, and my long ladder was.....too long.
    I mulled over the situation.  Unlike the last time I had this quandary, when I put the picnic table in the back end of the pick up truck and put a ladder on top of the table, I knew I had to be more careful.
     So I took this 16 foot wooden ladder (yes, it was 16 feet and it was not an extension ladder) and moved it to the back of the house.  Putting it up, I could not reach the wall because the ladder rested on the gutter, which was about 2 feet out.
     So I did what any normal red blooded American man would do:  I angled the ladder.; about 45 degrees.
     I got on it and bounced a couple of times.  It held.
     I gingerly climbed up to rung 14, then wiggled my legs through the rungs so I could sit and paint.
     I think it was the wiggling that did it.
     That ladder spit out the bottom and went straight down at about 200 miles an hour.
     I hit the ground and crumpled over, fearing I broke both legs, my knee caps, my ankles and my back.
     But everything seemed to work.
     I crawled/limped/shuffled to the back door and pounded for someone to help me.
     In those circumstances a guy doesn't want to hear, "What were you thinking", but we always do.
     You also don't want to hear, "Are you crazy or just plain stupid?" but we always do.
     And years later it may seem funny, but in fact it was not, despite the laughter that came when I explained what happened.
     I did leave one streak about 4 inches wide going down the wall, and it looked good.
     And eventually I got the right sized ladder for the job and finished painting.
     Emily has an open stairwell.  She said it would be hard to paint.  But I told her we could take some boards, make a platform, and I could angle my 14 foot extension ladder up so we could paint the stairway top.
     She looked at me as if I was crazy.
     We decided that maybe calling a professional would be a good idea.
     So Dane, if you are reading this....we will be giving you a call.
     And I won't touch the paint or help in any way.