As I wished....dammit!!

I finished assembling my Christmas present today

     Yes, I know it is Jan. 30.

     Yes, I know John W. and Kevin K. and Emily did the bulk of the work, leaving me with three drawers to put together.

      Yes, I love assembling Ikea furniture.  I don't have any problems with that.

       No,  this wasn't Ikea.  It was a Kobalt steel work bench for the basement.   And it was a royal pain in the ass.

      John and Kevin assembled the majority of it Christmas Eve while Jackie and I were at church.  All that was left was putting together two small drawers and one large drawer.  They did mention it took a long time because the self tapping screws did not fit correctly.

     Self tapping....sweet....just insert screw, turn, smile.

     I spent 3 hours on the first drawer.  Three!!!!  The holes were not big enough for the self tapping screws.  So when I finally managed to align 14 R (right side) with 19 (rear of drawer), because I could not see the holes to start with, when I finally aligned the holes the screws would not go in.  Not only would they not go in, the threads would strip because the hole was too small.

    After about 2 hours I gave up.  I went to Moore's Hardware where friendly Mike found some small bolts with little nuts that I could use.  But the holes were still too small.  (This almost seems erotic!)

     So I got a sheet metal screw and screwed it into the hole, hoping to open it just a little.

      Not as easy as it sounded.  I screwed, and screwed (can't believe I am actually using that in a sentence) until I could screw no more. (or that!!)  I managed to open up the holes (16 of the little holes) and put the self tapping screws, and a couple of my new nuts and bolts, into place.

     Then I put the stupid drawer in and it was half an inch out on the left side and flush with the right.  I pulled.  I tugged.  I flipped the levers as directed.  That sucker was in their tighter than a Payton Manning pass to a wide out.

    So I moved on to drawer two.  This time, I went ahead and screwed open the holes and it only took about 2 hours to assemble the drawer....but the bottom doesn't sit flat!  It has a big bow in the middle.

    I dreaded drawer three, the long one.  But Eureka!!  The first 7 screws went in....then nothing.  I worked 90 minutes to finish that SOB.

    Emily came over and I asked her to help me yank out the first drawer.  

    We went downstairs and I gave it a gentle tug to demonstrate that it was stuck and the damn thing practically flew out of the glides.  Go figure.

      Now I have my first ever real workbench.  Now some people (named Beth!) would ask why I would need a workbench because I am not the handiest guy in the world.

      Because I am a man.  And that's what men do.  We go to the basement and do stuff.  And we need work benches to do it.

     So bring on a project....I am ready!