If it's raining, at least the hat will help

I was once a human pinball

    I hung around with some very smart people.  People who went on to be reporters, policemen, tv moguls.
     It was the tv mogul who made me a human pinball.
     For some reason, a bunch of us went to a Cub game.  We were young.  Brash.  Wild.  Disrespectful.  Full of youth.
     As we were walking back from Wrigley on Grace Street, a trio of drunks started yelling at us from across the street.
     One of the drunks was wearing an umbrella on his head, as part of his hat.  I think they were called Brock Hats, but I am not sure.   I digress.
      As young people do sometimes, both groups were rather boisterous.  The drunks yelled at us, "F... you."
      The tv mogul replied, and I am positive about this:  "If you are queer enough, we are near enough."
      For some reason, the guys across the street took offense at that and crossed over.
      To be honest, we were kids.  Skinny, uncoordinated, peaceful, sober kids just coming home from the game.  These guys were drunk and mean.  And big.
      They grabbed me.
     That's when I became a pinball.
     Guy with umbrella shoves me to guy without umbrella, who shoves me to the third guy, who shoves me back to umbrella guy.
     All the time I am being the rational guy, saying, "Hey, just joking.  Don't mean anything.  Nice umbrella hat.  Just a kid here."
     They kept me surrounded as they walked, bouncing me from guy to guy with each step.   My friends stayed a safe distance ahead, making sure the way was clear for the pinballers.  Evidently they didn't want me to tilt.  And they would be witnesses if the three drunks decided to beat the crap out of me.
     They kept this up from Clark to Southport.  When they hit Southport, they lost interest in me.
     The let me go and staggered over to a car.  They got in and moved into traffic.  I watched carefully.
      When they got to Irving and Southport, they became stuck in traffic.
     When I saw a policeman directing traffic, I saw my chance for revenge.
     "Officer," I yelled.  "See those guys in that car?  They are drunk!  They can barely walk.  The guy with the umbrella hat driving is the worst."
     And I took off in a brisk trot.
     I like to think the officer went over and checked them out.  I truthfully did not care to stick around to see, because I figured they wouldn't be too happy with me.  I thought the next experience would be a little rougher than pinball.
     And it was not the only time Marc the tv mogul put me in a tight spot.
     But that's tomorrow's story.