I dread the day I make a list

I always laugh at the picture collections on Facebook

     You know the ones I mean.....weird family photos, funny looking pets, worst prom dates.
     I laugh, but deep down I hope and pray I don't end up in one of the collections.
     In the 60s I could have been on a list of "worst complexions on a teenager who lives on donuts and french fries."  I loved them.  It was a great after school snack.  Unfortunately, my pores did not know how to handle the grease.  My nickname during this period was "Spot."  When passing a fire station with a Dalmatian, I never knew who the men were talking to.
     In the 70s I could have qualified for "worst grade point averages at a modern day university."  My picture would have been of a guy who looked pretty clueless.
     Or I might see myself in "worst hair styles of all time."  I would blame my wife for that.  We didn't have a lot of money, so she decided to cut my hair once.  Once.  By the time she was done, it looked like I was wearing a bowl.  Well, except for the huge bald spot she had somehow trimmed into the back of my head.  I went back to Chicago to the Irish barber on Ashland Avenue, John the barber, and he took one look at the mess and said, "Aye, tis looking like ye did it yerself and ya used yer left hand an no mirra." (You have to say it with an Irish Brogue...to be honest, I don't think I ever understood a word he ever said.)  He had been cutting my hair since I was knee high to a leprechaun, and he fixed it, but it still wasn't pretty.
     In the 80s I might have made the "worst moustache" list.   I had a brown, unmanaged mess that covered my upper lip.  I tried to let it grow and one year succeeded in making handlebars, but I found the task of waxing and combing to be too tiring.  I developed a habit of stroking it when thinking...which kids picked up on and mimicked.  I still do it, even though I haven't had a moustache in years.
     In the 90s I would have made the "worst financial investor list."  I would not have been the only one to think Apple was done when it hit $5 a share.  Who would have thought computers would be as popular as they are?  If I had any vision, I'd be a millionaire now.  We all would, but we didn't believe.
     And I am sure there is a "worst used cars on the road today" gallery.  My 62 Plymouth...maybe a Fury...would have counted.  I bought it in 76 for $75.  It did not have a defroster, which made it fun in the winter.  One day a wheel came off when I was driving....well, nearly came off.  The wheel was on a 40 degree angle because there was only one lug nut in place.  One day, Jackie had to drive it to work in Steward and once she got it started, drove straight to the newspaper office and abandoned it in front because she had made the drive scraping ice off the inside of the window.  I used it to drive back and forth to Oregon after that because she would not drive it under any circumstances.  In the winter I put chains on.  I had never used chains.  They were about 12 inches longer than needed, and I had no idea what to do.  So I drove to Oregon with the chains flapping.  I had the worst headache ever from the pounding noise those chains made beating on the wheel wells.  And when I got home that night I was surprised to see I had no rear fender panels anymore.  It took three days for the pounding to go out of my head.
     So, I'll continue to laugh at the worst dressed, worst costume, worst portraits....yet I'll keep on eye open for a familiar face that might even be recognizable.