Poppa needs some new jeans

I hate buying pants of any kind

     First off, they are expensive.  I don't like spending money on something I am only going to wear out.  (Get it....wear out?  As in outside??   I am too funny.)
     Since retiring, I have noticed my stock of pants is dwindling.  I have about 4 pair I wear when jeans are not appropriate.  Plus I have my zoo pants.  I actually have two pair of zoo pants, but I hate the one pair because they are the wrong size.  Yes, I bought them knowing they were the wrong size, but I thought they would shrink.
     I wear jeans 80 percent of the time.  I don't go many places where I need to wear "casual" pants instead of jeans.
    You may have noticed I have a little issue around my middle that has to be dealt with.  Yes, I could exercise more.  Yes, I could eat less.  Yes, I could go longer than 10 minutes without snacking.  But I have problems with all three.
     Eddie Bauer sells jeans I like, because they fit me.  They have slim, straight, traditional and  relaxed fit   ...all kinds of jeans.  I always get the relaxed fit, because they are a little roomier in the butt, thighs and waist.
     When I looked at them in the catalog today, I was stunned.
      EB describes them as good for men with "athletic builds and men who want a looser fit."
      Athletic builds?  Obviously they have not seen me!
      I buy them because they fit just under my tummy.  (Notice, I did not say little tummy.) I can actually fasten them and wear a belt.  I want a looser fit because  I am fat.
     And I am not the only person who has packed on a little extra weight.  I've been to Walmart folks, and it is not pretty out there.
     It would be nice if manufacturers made pants for us.  They could describe them as: "For the men who are unable to button a 36 but 38 is too big."   Or, "We say 36, but we mean 37."   Or:  ""Designed to fit under your enormous gut."
     I feel insulted.  Athletic build, indeed.  I have spent many hours on the couch watching TV.  I have spent many hours scarfing down doughnuts, chips and ice cream.  I resent being told I have an athletic body!
     Now when I put on my jeans I will have in the back of my head the athletic body description.
     What if that inspires me to exercise more?  What if I decide to eat less crap and healthier foods?  My whole world could be turned upside down.
      And the payoff would be, those jeans won't fit me anymore.  I'll have to buy the traditional fit.
    This is all too upsetting.  I think I'll finish Kathy's chocolate cake and have a lie down to think about all this.