mixed emotions

 Today was Johanna's celebration of life

    Events like this are bittersweet, 

    We gather to mourn the loss of a loved one.  And we gather to give strength to those left behind.  And we gather to remember, and even laugh, with one another as a community.

    I am willing to bet that almost every one there has an "if only I had" moment or two.. Or three.  Or 10.  If only I had called her.  If only I had dropped in to visit.  If only I had sent a text or a card or a message.

    I know I have had those moments. 

    I was not close to Johanna.  But I truly liked her.  

    If only....here I go again....she could have seen the people who came to mourn her, celebrate her, and grieve her today.  She would have been happy.

    Suicide is such a difficult topic.  Do you discuss it?  Do you hide it?   How do you overcome the anger and the hurt you feel from it?  The last is important, because everyone there felt one of those emotions, some even both.

    With the bitter comes the sweet

    Our nieces came to the memorial.  Laurie was found by husband Ron and Cindy was joined by Samantha. My sister in law, my best friend,  friends of me and my family, dozens of VCCT people, and of course Johanna's mother and her wife, Camryn's mom and her step dad, and Camryn's friends and even people she worked with in the Sycamore schools. 

    We talked.  We laughed. We cried.

    Afterwards a group of us went to Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner, because that was Johanna's favorite restaurant.

    When we were done eating,  no one seemed overly eager to leave.  

    Even dog Beth was good.  She had never been left alone for so long, or had supper delayed so late as she did today.  And there was no mess to clean.  

    If you know someone who needs help, check on them. Urge them to take care of themselves and get help.  No problem it too big that it can't be solved.  

    And that's another if only.

Peace and Love

    

Sorry for the noise

 I dug out my burdock tonight

    I started with one shovel.  Then another.  And another.

    I found someone with a backhoe.

    Finally, I took 36 sticks of TNT and lit it, causing a cosmic boom and flinging the burdock 50 feet in the air, raining down green, slimey juice on the 478 bystanders that paid $5 to watch.

    You are right...I am exaggerating.  I only used 35 sticks.

    Holy crap!  That was one hard plant to dig out!

    I just hope the root I got was all of the root, otherwise the sucker will come back.  I think that is what happened last year.

    The good dentist said as soon as my insurance tells him what is covered, we can schedule my extraction.  Tooth extraction, to be clear.

    I told him I wanted gas, and plenty of it.

    He said no problem.

    But, and there are always big butts, there are  2 issues.I  have to deal with.  I can't eat or drink anything for 6 hours prior to the procedure.   6 hours!!!  I don't know if I can do that and not pass out from hunger.

    The second thing is I can't do any lifting for 1 day.

    I lift Jackie out of bed, onto the toilet, off the toilet, onto the shower, bench, off the bench....you can see the problem.

    Julia and Emily can do part of that, but Julia and Emily both work and there is no guarantee they will be free when the lifting needs to be done.

    So we will have to hire a caretaker to take care of her while I take care of me.

    We can't do that until a surgery date is scheduled.

    I will have to eat soft food for a while and avoid hot beverages until my mouth is back to normal.

    I went up to Rockford tonight to meet Emily at Johanna's place.  We loaded dog crates into both vans and brought them to Emily's.

    Johanna stored crates for the rescues and if there are not at least 20 crates then call me Mr. Math.  Those things are not exactly light either.  At least some of them are not.

    They are looking for someone with a pickup or trailer that can help Camryn take her bed and dresser back to Sycamore.  If that fits your job description, please let me know.

    That's it for me today, in more ways than one.

Peace and Love

brrr....doc

    Silly nme.  I thought, plant natives.  Don't worry  about them.  The garden will prosper.

    Wrong, wild onion breath!

    I do need to weed.  And dig.  And do it often.

    I have been pulling thistles and grass recently.

    Today I Googled this little gem.

The leaves are huge!  at least 18 inches or more!

As you can see, the leaves are huge!  The plant is huge!!

        I seem to think I dug it up last year, but now I am not sure.

        Anyway, it looks a little like rhubarb but it isn't.  It is a non native invasive plant named Burdock.

        It can be used in a couple of ways, like in a tea or as a medicinal plant....but I am not going to do that.

        I will dig it out tomorrow and hope it does not come back.

    While I was working on the natives, I took a few minutes to lay on my back and look at the clouds.

    Big mistake.

    When I got up, I felt sick to my stomach and had a massive headache.

    This has happened to me a couple of times before, and I don't understand why.  I lay in bed on my back, and don't feel that  way when I get up.

    Maybe I need a pillow outside..  Or, maybe I shouldn't lay on my back.

    Today I took a big gamble and put away our winter hats, gloves, and scarves.  I don't think we will be needing them anymore.

    I actually thought of just leaving them, since we are only 4 months until fall, but I figured the summer hat collection is more useful.

    Tomorrow I go to the doc who is going to yank my tooth.  It is a consult visit, but I am still nervous.  I also have to go pick up my hearing aid, which wasn't broken after all.  I have the feeling I am going to learn lots of new things.

    Peace and Love

 

007 & 1/2

I have been reading James Bond novels lately 

    And it is affecting my life.

    I had a mission this morning.

    Shortly after the sun had broken over the horizon, casting the Earth in golden hues, I set off on my mission.

    Birds were chirping.  The wind was gently pushing chilly, spring air into my face.

    I readied my vehicle and did a last minute check of all my equipment.

    Then I started out.

    First, I cased the neighborhood where the target was located.  No one seemed about.  I checked my rear view mirror often to see if I was being followed.  It seemed clear.

    I noiselessly cruised to the target.  No Beatles were playing.  I was in radio silence.

    I stopped.  I surveyed the scene.  No witnesses.

    I calmly and cooly opened the hatch on the vehicle and nonchalantly walked to the rear.

    Grabbing a last look around, I was stunned to see a car coming down the street.  I turned my head and positioned my body to hid the license plate.  Were they police?  Counter spies?  Russians?

    After they passed, I grabbed the bags of lawn waste and carefully stacked them in the driveway.

    One Two  Three Four....... mission completed.

    I looked around once more and saw I was undetected.

    I calmly and slowly returned home.

    After every mission an agent needs rest.  I looked at the clock.  It was barely 7.  I went back to bed and slept until 11.

    Yes!  11 a.m.!!!

    Usually I drop my yard waste off at night,,,.,but I always feel like a criminal.  I check the street, I look for traffic, I don't make noise. 

    That's what I did tonight.

    I had 8 bags of yard waste.  I don't have a yard waste pickup available.  So I take it to friends' houses in town.

    But I always feel like I am doing something wrong.  And maybe I am.  But they are paying for the service and don't always have waste, so I am making up for the times they don't have waste

    Now, I am going back to Diamonds are Forever.  Or to bed, not sure which yet.

Peace and Love

master gardener?

 I seem to have gotten less knowledgeable about plants

    Back in the day, I could rattle off names of plants.  I could even identify most of the native plants found in our area.

    One time I was on a field trip with an outdoor ed class.  It was late fall, and we were walking through a prairie.  

    Some of the plants had already dropped their leaves.

    I found a particularly attractive vine with little berries....red or white, I don't remember.  I picked a couple and went to your instructor and said "Sonia, what are these berries?"

    "Poison ivy!"  was the reply.

    The oils are still active in the fall, but luckily I did not develop a rash.

    Last fall I had some really big plants in part of my native garden.  I did not like them.  I asked people what they were, and I got a variety of answers.  One was a native sunflower.  I just did not like them, so I pulled several of them.

    There were about 15.....which would have been strange because I don't remember buying 15 plugs of any one kind.  So I sort of think they were weeds, even though they had flowers.

    This year that area of the garden is full of little plants.

    At first, 2 weeks ago, I thought "great, a million sunflowers I don't want."

    I wish that were the case.

    As the plants grew, I recognized them as.......thistle.  A lot of thistle.  A damn lot of thistle.

    I have been digging it out but have barely made a dent in the thistle population.

    I need the cavalry to come to the rescue!

    Thistle is hard to get rid of.  If you don't get the root, it comes back.  It sends out side roots that sprout new plants, so there is a lot of mucking about in the dirt.  Plus you have to have gloves, otherwise you get stuck.

    I'll attack it a little at a time.  By the time football season starts, I may have it under control.

Peace and Love

changing times

 I have always loved newspapers

    When I was in seventh grade, at least I think it was seventh, I inherited a paper route.

    This was a little different type of route.  It was in a factory.

    I would handle  the Daily News and Chicago American.  The papers sold for 7 cents.  I paid 5 cents, so I made 2 cents on every paper.

    Actually I made more because lots of times people would just give me a dine and not take change.  When the papers raised their prices to 10 cents, they charged me 7 and while I made more money per paper, I lost that 3 cent tip. 

    I would set up a little table at both entrances to the factory and when the workers left, they could buy an evening edition.

    I also delivered papers throughout the factory, leaving them at desks in the office area.

    What the route did was give me money for nickel Cokes, greasy French fries, doughnuts  and eventually for college.

     It was a good gig.  

    The guy who delivered the Daily News was a big guy named Swede.  I think.  Time dims memories.  He would have me work on his truck one day a week, stuffing newspapers and also hopping off the truck to deliver papers to various news stands.

    News stands.   Most are gone now.  There was one on Ashland and Irving.  It was a shack built out of whatever the people could scrounge .  I think his name was Jin.....skinnyy man, balding, wore glasses, ....I would also work for him at times.  I would sit in the news stand and sell newspapers and racing forms.  It was right next to a bus stop, and he did a good business.

    But times have changed.

    Daily News?  Gone.  Chicago American? Gone.  News stands?  Mostly gone.

    Newspapers?  Disappearing.

    The Chicago Tribune recently moved its printing operation from a building downtown to a smaller facility in the suburbs.

    In reporting on the move, they noted in 2000 the plant was printing about 600,000 daily Tribs and 1.2 million Sunday editions.  In 2023 they were printing 73,000 daily papers and 172,000 Sunday editions.

    We all know what has happened.  People are getting their information in different ways:  on line, on tv, on social media, all sorts of different places.

    I read the Tribune on line.  But I miss the feel of a real paper, the way it crinkles in your hand, the smell of the page and ink, the ability to do a crossword or cut out coupons. And the ability to take it in the can.

    But as Dylan said, the times they are a changing.

    But I don't have to like it, do I?

Peace and Love

Huh

Some times it is not my fault 

    Jackie's sister did not get her birthday card.

    Her birthday was April 19.  I mailed the card April 12.  It did not arrive April 19...or 20...or 21 or ever.

    See if you can guess the questions based on my response.

    Yes, I am sure I mailed it.

    No it is not in the car.

    Yes I looked under the seats.

    I admit,  I do have a problem, sometimes, with minor tasks.  Yes, I have forgotten to mail a card or 2.  Yes, I can't back up a golf cart in the garage.  Yes I lose my glasses/keys/wallet/phone at least once a day.

    And yes, I have forgotten to take things with when I go places.  Julia had a document to take to the bank.  I was going to the bank.  I took the document, gave Jackie her sweatshirt, put in my hearing aids and drove to Emily's to let out the dogs.  It was there I discovered I did not have the document.

    No, it was not in the car.  Yes, I looked under the seats.

    I went back home and backtracked my steps but could not find it.

    Jackie finally said, "What's that on the chair"

    And there it was.  

    Since I am incapable of doing 2 things at  one time, I must have set it down to pick up the sweatshirt.

    But, I digress.

    Today was May 25.  I went to get the mail and behold!  The birthday card was returned to us!

    There is a little yellow sticker that says unable to deliver as addressed.  No forwarding address.

    I showed it to Jackie.  She looked at it and the address looks fine.

    The card's stamp isn't even cancelled.

    It took over 35 days to go from the post office in downtown Rochelle to our mailbox. I am just baffled.

    The good thing is, I am off the hook!  I did everything right!  This time, at least.

    Sigh.

    Thanks to everyone who has reached out to Emily or me about Johanna.  Lots of stuff to do at this point.  Lots of questions on how to get things done.  

    But Emily, Camryn and Shannon, Camryn's mom, are all working on it.

    There's a long way to go.

Peace and Love