I am not a total perv....there was a reason
There was a reason I spent over half an hour in the bra section at Kohl's tonight.....someone needed a new bra. No, it was not me.
I am not a bra aficionado. I know they go on, come off, and lift up.
After that, I am lost. And truthfully, I don't care.
I now know that bras are not actually organized in any particular way, except by style.
You can find a 22 next to an 86.....ok, an exaggeration both ways. But they do not seem to be orderly. A C is next to a D next to a DD next to a ......and on and on and on.
Maybe it's because the aisle are so narrow the bras keep falling on the ground and people just put them up on the first hook they see.
And there are so many to choose from.....each brand has its own section, and when you think you are done looking, there is another brand with another section.
I was on the floor looking for the correct size when three young girls passed. I knew what they were thinking: EEEEW!
Of course, I was by myself as there was another manufacturer two rows over that demanded attention.
I expected there to be an announcement over the intercom. "Customer assistance in ladies wear...someone please find out why the old guy is on the ground fondling bras."
Men wear t-shirts as an equivalent to bras. We have crew neck, v-neck, and the other kind that only guys with muscles wear. That's it.
For women, it's not that easy. Size, style, fabric, purpose, ornamentation, how it hooks, padding, support....all come into play. Finding the right bra is no easy task.
There must have been a million bras at Kohl's. At least.
I'll probably have nightmares about air bags going off in my car tonight, pinning me to the back of the seat with firm, upright precision.
She finally found that needle in a haystack.
I'm just glad I wasn't asked to model any of them.
Friday, January 30, 2015
Thursday, January 29, 2015
heard that story before
Sometimes I live on the edge
The edge of sanity.
Years ago, we were two star struck kids. We were at my folks' house and Jackie and I went out for hot dogs.
I took her down to Montrose Harbor to see the Submarine Races.
(No, there are no submarine races. It was an in way to say we went to a make out place near the lake. I took several girls down to see the submarine races in my life time. Well, actually, I took one.)
So we were sitting in my car, the Chevy Impala convertible, if I recall, munching hot dogs. My arm moved around her back, and for some reason I hit the headlights.
Huge cats, or small dogs, ran in front of the car. It took a minute for my eyes to adjust, but she recognized the long tails for what they were: Rats! Many of them!! And all very big!!
I started the car and drove. I was fearful some of them had climbed the wheel wells and were now comfortably housed in my car, but they evidently they did not make it inside.
I was reminded of that tonight when I watched Channel 9 news on the computer and they talked about the rat problem in the area around the ball park. Seems all the construction at Wrigley has driven the critters out of their burrows and above ground.
Rats are not very pretty creatures, despite what Emily says. (She actually had some as pets in college. The one that came up her toilet one night was not a pet however, and forever taught her the importance of keeping the lid down and checking the bowl first.)
I always had a dislike/fear of them. One animal I would not handle at the zoo was the rat. I told my trainer that I didn't believe an animal that spread bubonic plague and was responsible for the Black Death that killed millions in Europe was a suitable animal for petting.
We never went back to the lakefront again.
And that's too bad, it really is a pleasant place to watch the submarines race.
The edge of sanity.
Years ago, we were two star struck kids. We were at my folks' house and Jackie and I went out for hot dogs.
I took her down to Montrose Harbor to see the Submarine Races.
(No, there are no submarine races. It was an in way to say we went to a make out place near the lake. I took several girls down to see the submarine races in my life time. Well, actually, I took one.)
So we were sitting in my car, the Chevy Impala convertible, if I recall, munching hot dogs. My arm moved around her back, and for some reason I hit the headlights.
Huge cats, or small dogs, ran in front of the car. It took a minute for my eyes to adjust, but she recognized the long tails for what they were: Rats! Many of them!! And all very big!!
I started the car and drove. I was fearful some of them had climbed the wheel wells and were now comfortably housed in my car, but they evidently they did not make it inside.
I was reminded of that tonight when I watched Channel 9 news on the computer and they talked about the rat problem in the area around the ball park. Seems all the construction at Wrigley has driven the critters out of their burrows and above ground.
Rats are not very pretty creatures, despite what Emily says. (She actually had some as pets in college. The one that came up her toilet one night was not a pet however, and forever taught her the importance of keeping the lid down and checking the bowl first.)
I always had a dislike/fear of them. One animal I would not handle at the zoo was the rat. I told my trainer that I didn't believe an animal that spread bubonic plague and was responsible for the Black Death that killed millions in Europe was a suitable animal for petting.
We never went back to the lakefront again.
And that's too bad, it really is a pleasant place to watch the submarines race.
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
breaking my routine today
I have a scientific conundrum
Jeez, I hope I used conundrums correctly.
We have been in the house for two years, three months.
Last week I replaced a light bulb in one of our kitchen pendant lamps. Today I replaced a battery in a smoke detector.
Earlier today, Jackie asked me what was beeping. I heard nothing. I have a ringing in my ears that sounds like crickets and high pitched radio frequencies. It's a constant. Goes 24 hours a day, awake, asleep, inside, outside, sober, drunk......constantly.
Sometimes I will jump up to answer the phone, only to be told it wasn't ringing. Other times a noise will be irritating wifey and I have no idea, because I don't hear it.
The basement smoke detector was doing it's chirping sound, telling me it was time to replace the battery. Of course, we did not have a battery. After going to the store, I proceeded to start reading the Trib on line and when niece Cindy called, talked to her for a while. I went back to the Trib when a shrill voice said "Fix that damn smoke detector. It is driving me crazy." Since I couldn't hear it, it didn't bother me....but I heard the tone.
Two minutes later, battery replaced, chirp gone.
Now my scientific conundrum: All the smoke detectors were installed at the same time. All the lights were put in at the same time.
Why don't all the lights, and all the detectors, go out at one time? Or even within days of each other?
They are all on the same amount of time, are all the same age, have the same batteries or light bulbs....yet some last longer.
Silly me, I only bought 3 batteries. It struck me I should replace all the smoke detector batteries at one time, on one special day, so I would make it an annual event.
That would involve planning and rationality, something I am not good at.
By the way, my routine is changed tonight. I usually read the Internet, play solitaire, then do my blog but tonight I opted to do the blog first.
Next I will read the Internet and then take a nice, hot shower that will hopefully relax me and allow me to sleep tonight, perchance to dream.
Hopefully I won't be up at 3 a.m. talking to people on Facebook. Not that I don't like doing that, but I am really tired.
Jeez, I hope I used conundrums correctly.
We have been in the house for two years, three months.
Last week I replaced a light bulb in one of our kitchen pendant lamps. Today I replaced a battery in a smoke detector.
Earlier today, Jackie asked me what was beeping. I heard nothing. I have a ringing in my ears that sounds like crickets and high pitched radio frequencies. It's a constant. Goes 24 hours a day, awake, asleep, inside, outside, sober, drunk......constantly.
Sometimes I will jump up to answer the phone, only to be told it wasn't ringing. Other times a noise will be irritating wifey and I have no idea, because I don't hear it.
The basement smoke detector was doing it's chirping sound, telling me it was time to replace the battery. Of course, we did not have a battery. After going to the store, I proceeded to start reading the Trib on line and when niece Cindy called, talked to her for a while. I went back to the Trib when a shrill voice said "Fix that damn smoke detector. It is driving me crazy." Since I couldn't hear it, it didn't bother me....but I heard the tone.
Two minutes later, battery replaced, chirp gone.
Now my scientific conundrum: All the smoke detectors were installed at the same time. All the lights were put in at the same time.
Why don't all the lights, and all the detectors, go out at one time? Or even within days of each other?
They are all on the same amount of time, are all the same age, have the same batteries or light bulbs....yet some last longer.
Silly me, I only bought 3 batteries. It struck me I should replace all the smoke detector batteries at one time, on one special day, so I would make it an annual event.
That would involve planning and rationality, something I am not good at.
By the way, my routine is changed tonight. I usually read the Internet, play solitaire, then do my blog but tonight I opted to do the blog first.
Next I will read the Internet and then take a nice, hot shower that will hopefully relax me and allow me to sleep tonight, perchance to dream.
Hopefully I won't be up at 3 a.m. talking to people on Facebook. Not that I don't like doing that, but I am really tired.
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
I joined the new age today
I now have an I Phone
Tonight I found out it can talk to me. I can tell it to call home. Or Jackie's mobile. And some day, maybe it will.
But tonight, it just said it could not do that at this time.
Remember, I am a techno goofus. I can't do much on my computer except play solitaire and check Facebook and e-mails. And this blog. After that, it is a learning experience.
Why did I get an I phone?
My flip phone was getting antiquated. I can't text on it. It won't take decent pictures. I can't use it to find directions.
Course I can't with my new phone, because I don't know how yet.
True story. On the way home from the Cubs Convention the train was packed. A young guy, who teaches in Sycamore, sat next to me. We chatted all the way back to Elburn. At one point I took out my phone to see if I had any messages. His eyes grew wide. "You have a flip phone?? I don't know if I have ever really seen one up close!"
I think someone should, on a regular basis, offer classes for old folks on how to use computers for specific things.
I can't figure out how to delete stories out of my Pages program. I have all sorts of stuff in there I don't want. And I can't seem to set up folders correctly. I have one folder that has all sorts of stuff from another folder in it, so now there are two of every thing.
Maybe Siri can tell me how to fix that little problem, eh?
I used to leave my flip phone in the car. I figured, no one is going to steal that. Now I have to be on guard with my new phone. I can't just leave it in the car, or in my coat, or on my desk.....what if I lose it? Where do I put it in the summer when I don't wear a coat and have only pants pockets to rely on?
Why does this have to be so difficult???
And an update, of sorts. I finally walked today. Jan 27, and I got my first 2 mile trek in. At this rate, I'll never hit 500 miles.
Might as well go to bed.
Tonight I found out it can talk to me. I can tell it to call home. Or Jackie's mobile. And some day, maybe it will.
But tonight, it just said it could not do that at this time.
Remember, I am a techno goofus. I can't do much on my computer except play solitaire and check Facebook and e-mails. And this blog. After that, it is a learning experience.
Why did I get an I phone?
My flip phone was getting antiquated. I can't text on it. It won't take decent pictures. I can't use it to find directions.
Course I can't with my new phone, because I don't know how yet.
True story. On the way home from the Cubs Convention the train was packed. A young guy, who teaches in Sycamore, sat next to me. We chatted all the way back to Elburn. At one point I took out my phone to see if I had any messages. His eyes grew wide. "You have a flip phone?? I don't know if I have ever really seen one up close!"
I think someone should, on a regular basis, offer classes for old folks on how to use computers for specific things.
I can't figure out how to delete stories out of my Pages program. I have all sorts of stuff in there I don't want. And I can't seem to set up folders correctly. I have one folder that has all sorts of stuff from another folder in it, so now there are two of every thing.
Maybe Siri can tell me how to fix that little problem, eh?
I used to leave my flip phone in the car. I figured, no one is going to steal that. Now I have to be on guard with my new phone. I can't just leave it in the car, or in my coat, or on my desk.....what if I lose it? Where do I put it in the summer when I don't wear a coat and have only pants pockets to rely on?
Why does this have to be so difficult???
And an update, of sorts. I finally walked today. Jan 27, and I got my first 2 mile trek in. At this rate, I'll never hit 500 miles.
Might as well go to bed.
Monday, January 26, 2015
oops......learn something new every day
I am sorry I said no
A while ago a friend asked if I was interested in going to a benefit in Chicago. It was Wood'y's Winter Warm Up, a benefit for a foundation run by Kerry Wood.
As you know I am a little socially maladjusted. Going to a benefit with a whole lot of strangers is not in my DNA.
But I was wrong. I should have gone.
The silent auction part featured two life time dreams.....both within my reach.
Throwing out the first pitch at Wrigley for a Cub game.
Singing the Seventh Inning Stretch. (OK, is it capitalized? I think today it is.)
Plus I could have mingled with some famous and semi famous people, like Jarrett Payton, Ronnie Woo Woo, Jon Lester.....well, maybe not Jon Lester. And maybe not Jarrett Payton, but certainly Ronnie Woo Woo!
But I said no.
Next year, I will strongly consider going.
After all, throwing out the first ball went for only $2,080!! Certainly that is a cheap price to pay for experiencing a life long dream!!
Alas, not everyone in the household agrees. Much like my plan to go to Cuba, and Switzerland for Christmas, and Berlin, and bike and barge down a river in France, someone thinks it is too expensive.
Besides, my pitching arm is still not 100 percent, so I would probably bounce it off the mound when I threw.
But I could have bid on the ultimate fan experience....two tickets in the private box of Theo Epstein and leading the crowd in the Seventh Inning Stretch!! How can anyone say no to that?
Well, ok, that one went for a little over $12,000....but it's for the kids!
It might have been a fun event to meet new people, have some wine, spend the kids' inheritance, deplete that IRA, go through our retirement home account.
Alas, (Note: second time I have used this today! No applause, please.) I did not go. It was not meant to be.
I guess I'll just have to wait 'till next year.
After all, I'm used to that.
A while ago a friend asked if I was interested in going to a benefit in Chicago. It was Wood'y's Winter Warm Up, a benefit for a foundation run by Kerry Wood.
As you know I am a little socially maladjusted. Going to a benefit with a whole lot of strangers is not in my DNA.
But I was wrong. I should have gone.
The silent auction part featured two life time dreams.....both within my reach.
Throwing out the first pitch at Wrigley for a Cub game.
Singing the Seventh Inning Stretch. (OK, is it capitalized? I think today it is.)
Plus I could have mingled with some famous and semi famous people, like Jarrett Payton, Ronnie Woo Woo, Jon Lester.....well, maybe not Jon Lester. And maybe not Jarrett Payton, but certainly Ronnie Woo Woo!
But I said no.
Next year, I will strongly consider going.
After all, throwing out the first ball went for only $2,080!! Certainly that is a cheap price to pay for experiencing a life long dream!!
Alas, not everyone in the household agrees. Much like my plan to go to Cuba, and Switzerland for Christmas, and Berlin, and bike and barge down a river in France, someone thinks it is too expensive.
Besides, my pitching arm is still not 100 percent, so I would probably bounce it off the mound when I threw.
But I could have bid on the ultimate fan experience....two tickets in the private box of Theo Epstein and leading the crowd in the Seventh Inning Stretch!! How can anyone say no to that?
Well, ok, that one went for a little over $12,000....but it's for the kids!
It might have been a fun event to meet new people, have some wine, spend the kids' inheritance, deplete that IRA, go through our retirement home account.
Alas, (Note: second time I have used this today! No applause, please.) I did not go. It was not meant to be.
I guess I'll just have to wait 'till next year.
After all, I'm used to that.
Sunday, January 25, 2015
what happened??
I feel like Rip Van Winkle
It feels like the Cubs Convention was just yesterday....and it was a week ago!
I have lost a week!!
Damn cold.
I spent all day Sunday prone on the downstairs couch, watching Poirot mysteries on Netflix.
This is a series based on Agatha Christie mysteries, which featured a strange little foreigner.
He always bristles when he is called French. One of my favorite lines came with this retort: Sir, I am not a half baked no nothing idiotic Frenchman. I am from Belgium!" Or something like that.
David Suchet plays Poirot. He did something like 25 seasons of the show, with three or four shows per season. Recently, the last ones aired. They have to be the last ones, because, well, I won't spoil the final episode.
What's amazing is to follow the primary actors through the years. In the first episodes Poirot and Miss Lemon, Capt. Hastings, and Inspector Japp are fairly young. In the final episodes, Hastings and Lemon had aged a lot, as had Poirot. I did not see Japp.
Sometimes I wish I had a movie of my life. I could watch the progression through the years, the physical and mental changes that occur would be documented.
But then again, maybe it would be too depressing.
I am on season 5......so I have a ways to go.
I just hope I don't have to be sick to watch them.
It feels like the Cubs Convention was just yesterday....and it was a week ago!
I have lost a week!!
Damn cold.
I spent all day Sunday prone on the downstairs couch, watching Poirot mysteries on Netflix.
This is a series based on Agatha Christie mysteries, which featured a strange little foreigner.
He always bristles when he is called French. One of my favorite lines came with this retort: Sir, I am not a half baked no nothing idiotic Frenchman. I am from Belgium!" Or something like that.
David Suchet plays Poirot. He did something like 25 seasons of the show, with three or four shows per season. Recently, the last ones aired. They have to be the last ones, because, well, I won't spoil the final episode.
What's amazing is to follow the primary actors through the years. In the first episodes Poirot and Miss Lemon, Capt. Hastings, and Inspector Japp are fairly young. In the final episodes, Hastings and Lemon had aged a lot, as had Poirot. I did not see Japp.
Sometimes I wish I had a movie of my life. I could watch the progression through the years, the physical and mental changes that occur would be documented.
But then again, maybe it would be too depressing.
I am on season 5......so I have a ways to go.
I just hope I don't have to be sick to watch them.
Saturday, January 24, 2015
It's a ground floor opportunity...really!
I read Dear Abby and I want to go to Cuba
How in the world are those two thoughts related?
I am glad you asked.
Like I said, I read Dear Abby...or whatever it is in the Trib. Today there were two letters, one from a person who has a relative planning a trip overseas. The person said the relative had sent her a "crowd sourcing" letter, spelling out all the benefits of the trip and how people could help by contributing.
The second letter was from a woman whose friend arranges parties and dinners, then tells the people how much they have to pay. For example, the friend organized a birthday party for herself, then told people how much they owed for room rental and appetizers eaten at the party. There is a wedding in the future, and the writer suspects she will get an invitation with a note to fund the wedding or the honeymoon.
I have wanted to go to Cuba for several years. I think it would be neat to see what a country under Communism looks like first hand. The old cars, quaint buildings, Hemingway sites, cigar factories, they all fascinate me.
So I thought: Crowd source!!
Here is your opportunity to live life through me!
Your donation will bring you the inner peace that can be achieved by sending someone (me) on a fantastic trip.
I have even determined levels.
Basic: $1....You will get a postcard from me. Now it is possible those may be mailed in the US, where the postal rate is cheaper, but...there is hope.
Basic Plus: $10.....In addition to a postcard, which may or may not be mailed in Cuba, you will receive a digital e-mail featuring a picture of me in front of a Cuban building of some sort.
Silver: $25....You will get both Basic benefits, plus an e mailed picture of me standing in front of, or next to, a vintage auto still in use in Cuba.
Gold: $50.... Basic and Silver benefits, plus a selfie of me eating at an outdoor cafe in Havana!
Platinum: $100.... Basic plus Gold and Silver benefits and an authentic hand rolled Cuban cigar and a selfie of me attempting to hand roll a Cuban cigar while working the camera.
This is truly an opportunity that needs to receive your immediate attention. Act now! I want to go before Starbucks, McDonald's and Hilton Hotels change the landscape forever.
And if this proves fruitful, I may even try crowd sourcing my way to a barge and biking trip through the heart of France!!
How in the world are those two thoughts related?
I am glad you asked.
Like I said, I read Dear Abby...or whatever it is in the Trib. Today there were two letters, one from a person who has a relative planning a trip overseas. The person said the relative had sent her a "crowd sourcing" letter, spelling out all the benefits of the trip and how people could help by contributing.
The second letter was from a woman whose friend arranges parties and dinners, then tells the people how much they have to pay. For example, the friend organized a birthday party for herself, then told people how much they owed for room rental and appetizers eaten at the party. There is a wedding in the future, and the writer suspects she will get an invitation with a note to fund the wedding or the honeymoon.
I have wanted to go to Cuba for several years. I think it would be neat to see what a country under Communism looks like first hand. The old cars, quaint buildings, Hemingway sites, cigar factories, they all fascinate me.
So I thought: Crowd source!!
Here is your opportunity to live life through me!
Your donation will bring you the inner peace that can be achieved by sending someone (me) on a fantastic trip.
I have even determined levels.
Basic: $1....You will get a postcard from me. Now it is possible those may be mailed in the US, where the postal rate is cheaper, but...there is hope.
Basic Plus: $10.....In addition to a postcard, which may or may not be mailed in Cuba, you will receive a digital e-mail featuring a picture of me in front of a Cuban building of some sort.
Silver: $25....You will get both Basic benefits, plus an e mailed picture of me standing in front of, or next to, a vintage auto still in use in Cuba.
Gold: $50.... Basic and Silver benefits, plus a selfie of me eating at an outdoor cafe in Havana!
Platinum: $100.... Basic plus Gold and Silver benefits and an authentic hand rolled Cuban cigar and a selfie of me attempting to hand roll a Cuban cigar while working the camera.
This is truly an opportunity that needs to receive your immediate attention. Act now! I want to go before Starbucks, McDonald's and Hilton Hotels change the landscape forever.
And if this proves fruitful, I may even try crowd sourcing my way to a barge and biking trip through the heart of France!!
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